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Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2005. Mattie was three years old and that day my parents took him to a local fair in Southern California. The fair was right up Mattie's alley, as there were live animals to meet, greet, pet, and observe. In addition there were pony rides, games, and other fun activities. As you can see, Mattie met up with this lovely white goat. Mattie had an understanding for how to pet and interact with animals from having Patches, our calico cat at home. Certainly when Mattie was a toddler, he tried to chase Patches around, but he quickly learned that did not help him connect with Patches. From Patches he understood that animals need kindness, gentle touches, and to respect their space.
Quote of the day: This relationship affected you more than you are letting yourself believe. The ending hurt you more than you acknowledged, and you need to process that. Your continued interest in this person means there’s something about the relationship that is still unresolved, and it is probably some kind of closure or acceptance that you need to find for yourself. ~ Brianna Wiest
In the midst of everything else I was juggling today, I got a nasty gram from Gmail about storage issues. Again, this was something I would have turned to Peter in the past for help. He was my tech guru as this is not one of my strengths. Which is why this will most likely be the last thing I have to eventually address. There is so so much I have had to learn since Peter left in September. Some things were easy to take over and other things really have pushed me to the brink.
On September 23, Peter will be gone from my life for a year. Do not ask me where these 12 months have gone. To me it has been an absolute blur, a nightmare, and has left me completely confused, distraught, angry, depressed, and well, you pick the adjective. Whatever you can think of, I have or am experiencing. If anyone would have told me that this would happen to my marriage, I would have laughed. Laughed because NEVER in our marriage did we ever have to seek counseling. NEVER did we walk out or want to walk out on the other, and NEVER would I have imagined that either one of us could do this to the other, leaving the one left behind in pieces. Peter has been part of my entire adult life, without him, almost feels like I have lost an appendage. I am forced to navigate the world in a whole new light. The damage may not be physically visible, but the psychological and emotional toll is tremendous. The Vicki people once knew is gone, dead, and will not be returning.
In the process of trying to clear my Google accounts, I came across videos and photos. It was like a trip down memory lane. I found several videos of Mattie, pre-cancer and after his diagnosis. Hearing Mattie's voice was startling. However, you want to know the funny thing..... I recognized every aspect of his voice. His voice is ingrained in my brain, just like I would recognize my own voice, intonation, and expressions. This was a REMINDER (not that I need one), that Mattie is a part of me and will always be an important part of my life. I share with you two videos I came across today.........................
Mattie's News Story (we were interviewed by Peggy Fox, during Mattie's cancer journey)
Three Little Pigs (Next to Mattie is Katie, one of Mattie's extraordinary nurses. Their rendition of the Three Little Pigs)
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