Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2003. Mattie was a year old and visiting my parents in Los Angeles. We were in a portion of the LA Zoo that had hands on activities for children. Mattie had his hand right in the pool trying to touch a sting ray. Mattie was fascinated and inspired by nature, and I was fascinated and inspired by him!
Quote of the day: When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters anymore. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace. ~ George Bernard Shaw
I am very grateful for family and friends who reached out to me today. Yesterday was a low day, as you could tell from my blog posting. Not that today was sunshine and unicorns, but it was more manageable. It is amazing what a kind text, email, and message can do to help me through. I am very grateful for the amazing people in my life.
This morning, I had an appointment with my gastroenterologist. He is a New Yorker and very good at what he does. The last time I had a colonoscopy was on October 31, 2019. Funny date for it, no? Peter and I did our colonoscopies months apart that year, so we could support the other. Unlike me, Peter managed the prep and the whole process like a champ. I know he decided to go first, in order to help normalize the nightmare for me. The procedure itself is fine because you are knocked out, but the prep is sickening. Given my migraines, I can get nauseous at a drop of a hat.
Any case, while scheduling my colonoscopy for October, I had to think about who can drive me and sit with my mom while I am undergoing this procedure. I have lost my plus one, my medical emergency contact, and it was just another reminder of the devastation I am facing. In addition, this was the first health form I completed in which I checked "separated." That may not sound like a big deal, but to me it is the end of the world. As if I was checking off that I lost a limb.
I am a person who prides myself on my interactions with others and having to admit that the most valuable relationship in my life has crumbled apart is a bitter pill to swallow. If I only had a magic wand to fix our relationship, but in lieu of a wand, I tried everything humanly possible to stabilize our marriage. I remind myself of this, and though that doesn't bring me comfort, I never want to live with regrets, because I will always love Peter.
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