Monday, October 7, 2024Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2003. Mattie was a year and half old and fully on! As you can see he desperately wanted to touch Patches, our calico cat. Patches had a healthy caution when it came to Mattie. She was a great cat, and understood from the moment we brought Mattie home from the hospital, that he was special. She never tried to scratch him and she never hissed at him. There was a reason I called her "Nurse Patches!" We tried putting Patches' cat perch up high, but as Mattie kept on growing, there was no place Patches could safely retreat. Given the season, notice the pumpkins. Mattie loved them and was attracted to their shape and color. Also notice the sippy cup of milk. That cup was like Mattie's security blanket. It went with us everywhere, regardless of the weather.
Quote of the day: Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms. ~ Paulo Coelho
Tonight's quote makes me pause. I guess because when I reflect on Mattie's loss, I never view him in a "different room." I guess this is because I know Mattie died and no matter how much I would like his presence in my life, it will not physically be possible. This is quite different when talking about an ambiguous grief like with Peter. This is a type of grief that occurs when a person experiences a loss that doesn't have a clear understanding or emotional closure. It can be a painful and confusing response to a loss that seems to have no end. Though Peter may have disappeared from my life for a year, and it is his choice not to return, in my heart and head I have trouble accepting his reality. Mainly because my reality looks and feels so different. I can see our history before my eyes and I know what we have together and the indescribable things we survived. We have earned this closeness based on time, love, longevity, producing a beautiful son together, and mutual trauma.
Today's segment talked about a skill to manage distress. Distress tolerance skills are intended to help distract us and get us through difficult emotional situations one moment at a time. A way to remember this skill is with the acronym: ACCEPTS.Activities
Focus attention on a task you need to get done. Rent movies; watch TV. Clean a room in your house. Find an event to go to. Play computer games. Go walking. Exercise. Surf the Internet. Write e-mails. Play sports. Go out for a meal or eat a favorite food. Call or go out with a friend. Listen to your iPod; download music. Build something. Spend time with your children. Play cards. Read magazines, books, comics.
Contributions
Find volunteer work to do. Help a friend or family member. Surprise someone with something nice (a card, a favor, a hug). Give away things you don’t need. Call or send an instant message encouraging someone or just to say hello. Make something nice for someone else. Do something thoughtful.
Comparisons
Compare how you are feeling now to a time when you felt different. Think about people coping the same as you or less well than you. Compare yourself to those less fortunate. Watch reality shows about others’ troubles; read about disasters, others’ suffering.
Emotions
Read emotional books or stories, old letters. Watch emotional TV shows; go to emotional movies. Listen to emotional music. (Be sure the event creates different emotions.) Ideas: Scary movies, joke books, comedies, funny records, soothing music or music that fires you up, going to a store and reading funny greeting cards.
Pushing Away
Push the situation away by leaving it for a while. Leave the situation mentally. Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation. Block thoughts and images from your mind. Notice ruminating: Yell “No!” Refuse to think about the painful situations. Put the pain on a shelf. Box it up and put it away for a while. Deny the problem for the moment.
Thoughts
Count to 10; count colors in a painting or poster or out the window; count anything. Repeat words to a song in your mind. Work puzzles, crosswords, Sudoku. Watch TV or read.
Sensations
Squeeze a rubber ball very hard. Listen to very loud music. Hold ice in your hand or mouth. Go out in the rain or snow. Take a hot or cold shower.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I learned about the ACCEPTS model, my initial reaction is.... wow I do many of these things already! Such as:
Activities: Gardening, pulling weeds, walking in the backyard, chores, cleaning, and cooking.
Contributions: Caregiving and Mattie Miracle!
Comparison: the instructor of the training module explained that this portion of the model can be controversial! She was singing my tune, because I DO NOT find comparisons helpful what so ever. I don't like comparing myself to others and I most definitely get nothing at looking back and hearing people say.... look what you have survived already! In my mind, I am say, BIG DEAL! That isn't going to help me now. Not with the daily torture I am faced with.
Emotions: for me it is TV, it is my only escape. It is an area that I am continuing to work on, because it is very hard for me to find more manageable emotions.
Push Away: this is a skill I am adept at! No training needed here. I can definitely block things out and compartmentalize for chunks of time. It is most likely how I was able to survive Mattie's diagnosis and daily crises associated with living in a hospital.
Thoughts: Engaging one's intellect! Wow I have had a year of intense learning, outside the box of my comfort zone. Everything from bill paying, managing a house and all its intricacies, and car repairs to name a few.
Sensations: This maybe another area that doesn't come to me naturally. But here's a story the instructor mentioned today that got me focused. I have heard the benefits of ice from my friend and colleague, but honestly cold doesn't resonate with me. Yet after hearing this story, I may think twice about my friend's recommendation.
So here's the story. The instructor of my training class, went to university class that she was taking. Her classroom was a large room. At the front of the class, the professor had a large bowl filled with water and ice cubes sitting on a table. The professor asked for a volunteer. So a guy raised his hand and the professor chose him. The professor began by taking the student's heart rate, blood pressure, and pulse ox. Once these numbers were captured at rest, he then asked this student to run around the entire auditorium five times. Once he did his five laps, the professor once again took his heart rate, blood pressure and pulse ox. As one would expect because of exercise, the student's heart rate and blood pressure were elevated. Now here's the kicker. He then had the student dunk his face into the large bowl of water and ice and instructed him to leave his face in the water for 10 secs. He had him do this three times (dunk, come up, dunk, come up, dunk, come up). After which, he then took the student's heart rate, blood pressure and pulse ox. Want to know what he found? The student's heart rate and blood pressure were LOWER than they were at REST! So now the question is why?
Have you heard of the diver response!? This in essence explains what happened to this student. When our body is exposed to cold, all blood goes to what matters... our heart and lungs. It short circuits the brain, making the only thing our body is focused on is survival, not feelings, worries, and stress. Fascinating, so with the next panic attack that I have, out will come the ice. I will let you know if it works!
No comments:
Post a Comment