Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old. At this particular fall festival, they had a petting zoo. Look at Mattie's face! To me it was priceless, as he wasn't sure what to make out of this pig. He was observing, but not comfortable enough to touch it. What I do know is that I loved exploring the world with Mattie and through his eyes.
Quote of the day: When we have no reason to be happy, we often think that it is the end of ourselves. We often think we have no one in this world. It happens when our loved ones leave us and make us alone in this vast universe. ~ Debolina
It was another winner of a day. I have arranged for someone to come over tomorrow to look at our furnace and thermostat, as I am having trouble with heat getting to the second floor. Every time, I deal with the heating and cooling professionals, my heart is in my mouth, because it usually means a costly repair. As for the freezer and range issues, I spoke to our Thermador repair fellow and he is ordering a part, in hopes it easily corrects the problem. Nothing is typically easy for me, but I know I have to be on top of these home repairs, otherwise, if I push it down the road, only more things will arise and pile up on each other. This house is a full time endeavor of trouble and heartache.
This evening, I went for my weekly therapy session. In about a month, I will have been working with this therapist for a almost a year. Do I find it helpful? NO! No fault of the therapist, my situation is just horrific, and unfortunately most of you who read this blog do not know the full extent of the destruction I have been faced with and have been forced to deal with. With the emphasis on forced. None of us like when we have no control over certain decisions and when life choices are being made for us.
When I got home from therapy, I was in the process of dealing with dinner, when my dad started moving toward the bathroom. He won't go to the bathroom unless I am home. He refuses to go with my mom. Make a long story short, it was a bathroom disaster, of four bouts of diarrhea. It was so awful, that he stressed me out so much that I started screaming. I can't even sit with a thought or feeling for one second, without dealing with bathroom issues. When I finally got my dad to the dinner table, he refused to eat. My dad said he wasn't hungry and became attitudinal. At which point, I got him up and back to his recliner. There was no reasoning with him, and frankly I did not have the energy to get him to eat. Tomorrow is another day of more of the same.... more intense caregiving, chores, tasks, cleaning, cooking, repair issues, bill paying, and heartache. I am stuck in a terrible Groundhog's day, with no hope of waking up to learn that what I have been living with is just a bad dream.
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