Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2003. I remember snapping this photo because I just loved Mattie's ability to multi-task. Most people when multi-tasking are not truly focused on any one thing. But with Mattie, he actually was able to open cabinets, take out video tapes, stack and play with them, while also listening and absorbing the video on the TV. Trust me, I know this because I would ask Mattie questions about what was on the screen! He always was able to respond to me and was accurate most of the time.
Quote of the day: I feel I’ve lost every part of me…there’s nothing left but the parts I’ve given to you. I need you to hold those pieces together. Please don’t forget who I was…then…then there really will be nothing left. ~ Cassandra Giovanni
Last night, several photos and videos popped on my phone. Many times I ignore these reminders, but last night I decided to check out the alerts. One of the photos was this.... a photo of my mom from 2020. It is hard to believe this photo was taken only four years ago. Now four years later, my mom's posture is hunched over, her eyes don't look this alert and bright, and she was in much better shape. Because my mom lives with me, I am adjusting to her gradual changes, but seeing this photo was shocking for me. My mom has Parkinson's disease (though she will not accept that diagnosis) and I think between disease progression and living with the constant heartbreak in my life have taken a massive toll on her.
After my usual morning routine, I had an appointment to meet a banker. In 2002, we opened an safety deposit box. However, we haven't accessed this box in over ten years and I saw no reason to continue paying for something I am not using. I have to admit any time I have to deal with financial issues and technology, I get stressed out. Why? Well maybe part of it is I don't gravitate to these things, but another factor is I have been conditioned by my parents and Peter, that I shouldn't worry about these things. That they should manage this for me and I can worry about other things. But here's the thing, since Peter left me, I had to focus, learn, and rise to the occasion to run an entire household alone. Guess what? Everyone under estimated me! I can actually be part of the solution, I can keep track of budgets and be very fiscally responsible. It is ironic, because now my parents tell me..... they made a big mistake. They should have included me in financial dialogues and that I am more than capable. I guess the question is why did it take a crisis to show people what I can do? I have no answers! I can only keep plugging along because I have NO OTHER CHOICE.
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