Tonight's picture was taken in February 2009. That day I was asked to leave Mattie in the child life playroom, so he could work on Valentine's Day surprises. Mattie did not just create one or two things! He created drawings, cards, cutouts, decorated a Valentine's Day box, and made me this heart crown. Mattie's art therapist, Jenny, captured Mattie giving me all these wonderful gifts to me! These gifts are still part of my life today, as I created a special collage from them before I moved into our house in 2021. This collage now hangs on a wall in my office.
Quote of the day: You don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. ~ Mandy Hale
As tonight's quote points out, do you need a significant other to lead a significant life? Probably not, but I would say it helps! We are social creatures and to me every aspect of life is better when it is shared with someone. It has been a steep learning curve for me to navigate the world alone. Remember I was married since I was 25 years old, and happily saw the world through two sets of lens. It is a major life change and adjustment to figure things out on my own. Sure I can figure out tasks, I have had to, but what does it mean emotionally to be solo again? Well the answer is complicated, painful, and some days disorienting. In so many ways, that empty feeling I face now, reminds me of when Mattie died. You search, you long, and you hope to find that person you loved and lost. You just can't accept that they are gone, and yet there you have it, and you, your brain, and your heart have to glue the pieces back together in order to function. I did not say thrive, I said function, because there is no thriving, NOT right away anyway.
This morning, my dad's physical therapist came over and did a session with my dad. I love this therapist, and she has such positive energy and we have many things in common. It just helps to put all of us in a better mood. Later in the day, I took my parents to our local diner. We visit this diner every Saturday. It is not just about food, it is a social experience, as we know the servers and the managers, and with each visit we learn more about their lives and they share photos of their children with us. It makes us feel a part of something larger than the pain we sit with each day. In addition, the diner was playing 50s music today. Well this was like a trip down memory lane for my parents. Which got us talking about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Music is a wonderful therapeutic tool and though my dad has trouble remembering things from one minute to the next, he remembers and feels music. In fact, I would say my dad's love of music passed along to me.
I was telling his physical therapist this morning, who is also a country music fan, about my Saturday memories with my dad. When I was a young girl, like around 10, every Saturday, I would get in the car with my dad and we would do chores, like visiting the Italian deli, go grocery shopping, and sometimes we even went for ice cream together. But in the process, my dad would have the radio on! The first music that I listened to on the radio was country music. I can distinctly remember the song, Your nobody called today, by Sylvia. If you have never heard it, it is below. All I know is my dad and I would get a chuckle over this song! Keep in mind that my dad is a total family man, and the content of this song could NEVER apply to him, yet we just loved the song! Sometimes we would just break out into a chorus of this song without warning. To me this is beauty of music. Within the notes and lyrics, are wrapped memories, feelings, thoughts, and time periods within our life!
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