Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2009. This photo speaks to Mattie's character and determination. We were home from the hospital and we were working as a family to paint our deck. As crazy as this sounded, we tried to do normal everyday things when we were away from the hospital. Mattie was wheelchair bound and the only limb that wasn't operated on was his left leg. Which was why that leg got nicknamed.... Curious George. Because Mattie could use that leg and foot like an arm and hand! Any case, that day, Curious George was helping us paint the deck. Mattie could have just sat and watched us, but that wasn't his style. He always wanted to be a part of the action and even with cancer, that spirit was never altered!
Quote of the day: Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. ~ Christian D. Larson
In addition to being emotionally devastated by my separation and then divorce, I had a steep learning curve both financially and mechanically (as I had to learn about the house, the property, and every system and gadget in the house). That would be hard enough to face, but I was left to manage all of my parent's caregiving needs alone. That I haven't lost my mind or given up on life yet is remarkable. But each day is still touch and go. Which is why I take it one day at a time. If I think about the future, I would be so distraught, I couldn't function.
Today I had to do another hard thing, I had to call a funeral home about arranging to separate Mattie's ashes. This is where the law and religion don't align, as Roman Catholics are opposed to splitting ashes. Ashes are supposed to remain intact, as ashes represent the body, which is to be respected and is sacred.
It has taken me months to come to terms with this spiritual quandary. Legally I have to do one thing, and spiritually another. The conclusion I have come to is that God has already accepted Mattie into heaven. He knows what Mattie was baptized on July 20, 2002, at St. Stephen - Martyr Catholic Church in Washington, DC and had a Roman Catholic funeral on October 10, 2009 at Holy Trinity in Washington, DC. Both events were witnessed by friends and family.
Since Mattie died, his ashes have sat in this beautiful handcrafted music box. I bought this box from a website in Italy. The box is a work of art, Italian (part of Mattie's heritage), and plays music. Mattie was a human masterpiece and so creative, and when he died, I purposefully selected this unique box. The box also sits on an old fashioned Victrola.
In addition, there is a certificate from the crematorium, as well as programs from Mattie's funeral and celebration of life event. Mattie's celebration of life was an amazing send off and tribute to Mattie. Everything from an art show of Mattie's creativity, a video, oral tributes from family, friends, and Mattie's health care team, a children's room to create memorial stones and messages to attach to balloons (which were then released), food, flowers, and the list went on!
So you can imagine how I feel about going to a funeral home to split these ashes in half tomorrow. With each day, I say, GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH.
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