Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day we took Mattie to see the circus. The hospital secured a private booth for us and Mattie was very excited to have this new experience. We had never taken Mattie to the circus before. Mattie loved the whole thing and during intermission, we met up with his cancer buddy, Brandon who was also in attendance. We bought Mattie several glow in the dark circus items and overall I would say it was an unforgettable day.
Quote of the day: Of all the animals, surely the dog is the only one that really shares our life, helps in our work, and has a place in our recreation. It is the only one that becomes so fond of us that sometimes it cannot go on living after its master dies. ~ Ferdinand Mercy
Tonight's quote reminds me of my uncle and his dog, Atom II. My dad's brother died at an early age (many years ago) of a brain aneurysm. He understood he was ill and in his will he made a special note about arrangements for Atom II after he died. He did not want Atom II to live with anyone. He did not want Atom II to be adopted! Instead, he wanted Atom II to be put to sleep. From my uncle's perspective, he felt that Atom II would not survive without him. That no one would understand his anxious state or be able to care for him like my uncle. This decision plagued me all my life, as I felt then as I do now, that Atom II could have lived with us.
My dad was the executor of my uncle's will, and though we tried to encourage him not to follow through with his brother's request to put a health dog to sleep, we were unable to convince him. My dad felt a sense of obligation and to fulfill his brother's last request. In fact, I remember my dad saying something like.... I do not want my brother haunting me if I do not follow his wishes! I honestly do not know if I would have taken on such a role if I knew it meant ending a dog's life too soon.
I think about Sunny! I am quite certain that Sunny's original owner died and then the owner's family did not want to keep him. Therefore they tossed Sunny out on a highway in South Carolina. This was the basis of the story that was conveyed to me when I adopted Sunny. Clearly Sunny and his original owner had a strong connection and bond. They must have because Sunny was impeccably trained which made adopting him super easy. Here's a classic example of how adaptable dogs are and if introduced to a kind and loving home, they can thrive and live a happy and fulfilling life. All I know is thank goodness, Sunny's original owner did not request for Sunny to be put to sleep upon his death. If he had, I would have missed out on 8 wonderful years of being a dog Mom.
Overall my daily existence is bordering on terrible to toxic. I am balancing incredible amounts of stress with balancing finances, paying bills, caregiving for two people with dementia and other physical issues, and of course balancing all the emotions that get thrown at me at any given hour. Because of my mom's dementia and issues, she can get stuck on a thread of conversation and play it over and over again. I am dealing with my own grief, loss, and traumas given what has happened to my marriage, but my mom's constant outbursts and negativity weigh me down. All conversations and focus must revolve around her, and yet given what I am coping with, support and help should be directed to me. But I know I come last in my home. I have come to accept this reality over the last two years, but what I am balancing requires super human strength and courage in order to try to find a way forward.
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