Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Tuesday, March 5, 2024 -- Mattie died 753 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day, the child life playroom at the hospital was having its official ribbon cutting ceremony and party. The playroom was sponsored by Toys R Us, and of course with that, came their mascot, Geoffrey the giraffe. Mattie was very energized that day, which didn't surprise me because the playroom was crucial to our existence within the hospital. The hospital room was confining and isolating, but when we went into the playroom, there were usually activities, games, or outside stimulation to be found. As you can see, Mattie and Geoffrey were pals and Mattie was honored to hold the big scissor to cut the big ribbon at the ceremony. 

Quote of the day: Sunflowers are adaptable, Violet had told me not long ago. You plant them somewhere, and they'll figure out how to grow. They'll come up in the rich loam of rivers as easily as in arid, poor dirt. The worse the soil, the bigger they flower. They're scrappy as hell. ~ Marta Molnar

I was sent this beautiful quote today. I truly needed it because my spirits are very low. The sender of this quote wanted me to know that I am just like the sunflower... scrappy as hell! Since Mattie's diagnosis, the sunflower has become my flower. It symbolizes Team Mattie in my mind, after I received countless sunflowers during Mattie's cancer journey. Now when I see these flowers, it reminds me of love, compassion, and community. But perhaps in this season of great despair, I have to visualize them as symbolic of me. 

My Yankee Doodle Dandy! Sunny's groomer absolutely LOVED him. With the seasons, she would take themed photos of him. Maybe all groomer's do this, I don't know! All I know is I am so glad Mandy did! This was one of my favorites! What a beautiful boy and spirit. 

With that said, I do think Mandy was unique. She would bake homemade cookies for her pet clients, and every Christmas, would make a handmade ornament for Sunny and give us a fleece blanket. She was special and she loved her Sunny Bunny!

This morning, I hardly could get out of bed. I am congested with a head cold. The pressure in my head is excruciating. No matter how I feel though, I have to keep moving. If I don't nothing in my house would function. At 10am, my parent's therapist came to evaluate them, to extend their physical therapy sessions. At the end of the sessions, the therapist turned to me and said.... your parents are doing so well because of YOU (me). I thanked him and I told him that I try. He then stopped me and said... you do more than try! He provided physical therapy evaluations to many patients over his 40 years in the business. Therefore, he wanted me to know that not all his patients, my parents age, are doing as well. 

I know the extent of my role, the daily tasks I perform, and the fact that I rarely sit still because I am juggling constant demands and needs. That said, I truly appreciated hearing this lovely feedback from a therapist. It was a day of juggling computer issues, appointments, phone calls, and making sure throughout this that my parents are taken care of. What I have concluded today is that life is not fair, and it takes great fortitude to find a way forward to face each day.