Friday, April 5, 2024

Friday, April 5, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. This was Mattie's first birthday party outside of our home. We had it at Riverbend Nature Center, with a couple of Mattie's friends from preschool. It was a dinosaur themed party and there was a fabulous naturalist who gave the children a wonderful walk through the woods, a chance to do an archeological dig in the large sand box, and the children also got to meet and greet several native animals such as turtles and snakes. It was a very memorable fourth birthday party!

Quote of the day: .....love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~ Kablil Gibran

This is Indie! Since Sunny has died, she sticks to me like glue. She has become super vocal and she has developed her own routines with me. In fact, at night time, when we gather as a family to watch TV, Indie sits on the armrest of my side of the couch. She wants attention and to receive lots of pets. If I leave the house and come back hours later, she zooms to the door to greet me. Just like Sunny used to do! I find her new found self fascinating and I am not sure if she is trying to fill a void in my life, or the fact that she sees a void, and wants to fill it with her own kitty demands. I have no answers but I am glad she is in my life. 

This evening, my dad was ON! I mean all cylinders firing! I haven't seen him this together in a long time. He was engaged at dinner. He was an active part of the conversation, we did a cross word puzzle together while eating, and he actually remembered what he ate around ten minutes after dinner was over. I joked with him.... I wanted to know whether he ate his spinach or wheaties today? 

It is amazing how his presence made a huge difference in the tone of our household. Typically things can be very depressing, where my dad is lost in space and my mom is repeating the same thing over and over. Tonight was different and I have no idea what caused this change, but it was a welcomed change because the intense stress I am under each day is getting to me physically and mentally. 

I think my parents are worried about me, and given that their typical focus is inward, this should give you some indication of how badly I must be doing. I am, as my therapist calls me, 'a warrior woman.' I will manage through any given day if I deem someone I love needs me. But I am fatigued and if I spend any amount of time focused on my life, I would collapse. Which is why, I don't focus on emotions right now. I don't have time for this, when my attention, time, and presence are needed elsewhere. 

The two highlights of my day were eating two chocolate covered strawberries and learning that my dad's physical therapist isn't coming tomorrow morning. Which means I can sleep past 6am!