Thursday, April 4, 2024

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2005. We were celebrating Mattie's third birthday. Mattie loved Blues Clues, the TV show. Therefore, that was the theme of his party. We did a Blues Clues game and the kids were looking all over the place for clues to solve the mystery. It was a memorable day, as I had a student from the University come over and host a magic show. He even brought his pet bunny, Hobbs. Mattie loved the bunny and his party. Special moments and memories, that I will always cherish. 

Quote of the day: What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we have loved deeply, becomes a part of us. ~ Helen Keller

Mattie would have been 22 years old today! 

This morning, after doing my usual chores, I got into the car and drove to Mattie's school. There was no way I was going to let this day pass without honoring my son. I am sure Mattie would have understood if I did not go to his tree, but I wouldn't have felt good about this decision. I left my parents at home for two hours, and one of those hours, my dad was occupied with his physical therapist. 

When I arrived at Mattie's school, I was surprised to be greeted by a security guard. That was a new addition, but in the world we live in, it is understandable. But it saddens me. I had to explain to the guard why I was on campus and what I was going to do. We got to talking about Mattie's tree and naturally he let me go about my business. 

When I arrived on campus, there were first graders all over the playground and by the tree. This encounter could have gone very well or very badly. Typically I prefer to be by myself when I am at the tree. So I can think, reflect, and spend time with Mattie's trees. I did mind my own business as kids were playing all around me. However, there were two girls who approached me and wanted to talk. They wanted to know what I was doing. So I explained that this was a tree in honor of my son, who was a student at their school. I did not elaborate. The girls loved the 12 cupcake ornaments I brought with me and they said they were the perfect decorations to put on Mattie's tree, given that today was his birthday. In fact, they said the cupcakes looked so real, that they wanted to eat them! The girls were very cute and they reminded me what a tender and special age they were.... the same age when Mattie died from cancer. 

A close up of one of the cupcakes!

Mattie's tree. The white swamp oak doesn't have leaves yet, but the tree definitely looks strong and healthy. I tied a lovely orange bow around the tree and straightened out other ornaments on the tree. Many of the children came up to me to tell me how much they love looking at the ornaments when they are playing! It is hard to capture in a photo, but the tree truly looks magical, as it has all sorts of lovely ornaments on it. 

I bought this ornament in 2022. It says "love you to the moon and back." This is a saying I used to frequently say to Mattie. 

So the White Swamp Oak above is the official Mattie memorial tree. But it is actually tree number 4 that was planted! 

This photo is of tree number 3! It is a Yellowwood Tree. Shortly after it was planted, it was struck by lightening and its trunk split in two. I did not like how it looked or the symbolism of it. Which is why the school agreed to plant the tree above (tree #4). 

However, before this Yellowwood (tree #3) was planted, there were two other memorial trees planted. The very first tree DIED completely. Then a second one was planted in its place, and it struggled and got diseased. Which led to tree #3, the yellowwood which was struck by lightening. Seeing a trend here??? Hopefully tree number 4 is a winner. 

When I arrived home from visiting the tree, the door bell rang. I went to the door and was greeted with this wonderful Edible Arrangement. It was sent to me by our Cousin Cheryl. Cheryl is from Peter's side of the family, but over the years we have gotten to know each other and we value our connection. Cheryl has been a long time blog reader and she feels she has gotten to know and love Mattie through my writings. I am very lucky to have her in my life. 

A close up. I assure you these treats were needed tonight. It has been a very hard couple of days. My parents are very depressed and upset about my life and tonight both of them said they wish they were dead. I have been hearing this lament for a number of days. Tonight I just let them both have it. I literally said, ENOUGH of this kind of talk. Having them die will not solve my problems or make things better. Their life is of value and I told them to cut it out. I then gave everyone a goodie from here and this stopped the negativity for a bit. As I have told them, I can't live 24/7 focused on how my life has imploded. Yet I know, it is hard, as it is all consuming.