Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2004. Mattie was two years old. That day we took a walk down to the National Mall. The beauty of living in the city, is it was easy to walk to all the National memorials and sites. Mattie was standing in front of the reflecting pool by the Lincoln Memorial. What was he looking and laughing at? Ducks! Mama ducks and her ducklings. As you can see I was holding Mattie's hand. For two reasons, one I did not want him to fall in the water (as I was always scared of him drowning) and two, I did not want him to jump in and follow the ducks. Mattie loved to see mama ducks and her ducklings, and sure enough he would always say that they reminded him of him and me.
Quote of the day: And they can’t understand, what hurts more—missing the other person, or pretending not to. ~ Khadija Rupa
I was jolted awake at 1am today by an alarm. My neighbor, who is doing an extensive remodel for the last ten months, has had an alarm going off since Friday. It is an intermittent sound, so not constant. Nonetheless, I have been capturing it on video and sending it to the contractor as documentation. The sound is so loud that I honestly thought at first that the sound was coming from my own house. The problem with waking me up at night, is it then sets off a cascade of anxiety symptoms. I eventually got back to sleep, but I feel more out of it than normal. Which isn't saying much.
This morning at 7am, the alarm went off yet again. Again, I video taped the issue and sent it to the contractor. The contractor came over and this time, he got to hear it for himself. The sound is coming out of the dumpster! That is right, the dumpster! Clearly someone from the construction team removed some sort of device from inside the house, and before disassembling it, just threw it in the dumpster. Naturally there is a ton of debris on top of this device now, making it impossible to grab and destroy it! So until this dumpster is replaced tomorrow, I am preparing myself for more alarms tonight.
After I got my parents settled this morning, I decided to do more Foundation work. I am trying to process through all donations that came in from our Awareness Walk. I always make it my personal business to reach out and thank every donor. I have done this since we began the Foundation, and I feel this personal touch is vital. Because I know full well, without our wonderful supporters, we would be unable to operate. Therefore, supporters are the life blood of our Foundation and I am honored they walk with me to keep Mattie's legacy alive and thereby help thousands of children with cancer in the process.
The three things I am grateful for today:
- Friends who reach out to me by email and text. Who are equally perplexed by my circumstances and validate that I don't deserve what is happening to me.
- Going out for Frozen Yogurt! The manager of the store gives me a discount each time. She sees what I do for my parents, and this is her gift to me. Her kindness doesn't go unnoticed.
- The wonderful cardinals in my garden. Each time I see one, I feel that Mattie is with me and is witnessing my sadness and despair.
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