Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2007. Mattie was attending his preschool classmate's birthday party! It was a gymnastic party and Mattie was one of the few boys. That did not bother Mattie whatsoever. He had a great time with friends, running around, and was happy to be included in the festivities!
Quote of the day: Come back! Even as a shadow, even as a dream. ~ Euripides
I did several chores today and then mid-day took my mom to Starbuck's. It was crowded today and at one point an older lady came to sit down near us. She was lonely and started talking. She was telling me about the veins in her legs, her knee pains, and then told me about the loss of her grandson (at the age of 20). I shared nothing about myself. Instead I just listened to her and commented on what she was saying. What was running through my mind was.... there but for the grace of God go I! With age, not being married and not having Mattie, I can see my life looking a lot like this woman's. In fact, I have befriended other older ladies at Starbuck's and have helped them on various occasions. One of them is adorable and she always tells me I am so nice. If they only knew the chaos inside my head. How I haven't snapped is an amazement!
While at Starbuck's I continued reading the book I started a while ago about ambiguous grief. The grief we experience when the person we love hasn't died, but is still alive and estranged from us. The author mentioned the comment..... You are as sick as your secrets. This is an adage used in Alcoholics Anonymous. Basically it means that a secret kept in the dark grows and becomes more harmful, but once it is exposed to light or released, its power is lost. I think this is a brilliant statement and it applies to ANY secret, not just to addiction.
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