A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



July 14, 2024

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2002. We were visiting my sister-in-law, and Mattie was surrounded by his cousins. Mattie was three months old and the youngest of the cousins. While everyone was bustling around us, Mattie sat in my lap taking it all in. 



Quote of the day: And it only hurts when I'm breathing. My heart only breaks when it's beating. My dreams only die when I'm dreaming. So, I hold my breath—to forget. ~ Shania Twain


Have you heard Keith Urban's song, Messed up as you? Well if not, I attached it here! I heard it on the radio, and it might as well been written for me. It speaks to the chaos in my mind and heart. 


This photo was taken on July 15, 1995, my wedding day. I can picture this moment in time as if it were yesterday. Back then, in my twenties, I had no conceptualization of childhood cancer, nor did I think our incredible union would land up in divorce. Both Peter's parents and my own have been married for more than 60 years. I do not think I will ever wrap my head around how I went from a loving relationship to a non-existent one. As I say each and every day.......................

DEAR GOD, GIVE ME STRENGTH. 





I received this beautiful pop up card with butterflies and this garden hedgehog from my friend Heidi. I officially met Heidi in my Zumba class YEARS ago. She knew me before I knew her, as she was a Mattie blog reader. When I entered the class on the first day, Heidi came up to me, gave me a big hug and welcomed me to the class. I was a bit confused by her greeting, since I did not know her. Heidi then explained how she knew me. I credit our friendship to the power of Mattie Brown, his story, and his amazing life. Now many years later and many states between us, we are still friends and I wish she lived closer!

This cute hedgehog is now in my garden. I looked up the folktale of Hans the Hedgehog. The moral of this tale is that with love and loyalty, any evil or magical spell can be broken. The perfect gift for me!  Tell Me a Story: Hans the Hedgehog (a German folktale)


Three things I am grateful for:

  1. My rescue migraine medication!
  2. Gingerale, if you a migraine sufferer, then you know what it can do to your stomach. 
  3. Having a strong constitution, which is needed in my house. My dad's irritable bowel syndrome was a killer today. Right after I showered him this morning, he had three bouts. The third all over the floor. 

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