Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that weekend we visited Butler's Orchard in Maryland. It was a tradition we started when Mattie was about three and half years old. Mattie loved the wagon ride to the pumpkin patch and then the fun of picking out a pumpkin in the fields! I can't look at a pumpkin now without thinking of Mattie and the fun we had together each Fall.
Quote of the day: You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. One year for every year you dated. Two years for every year you dated. It’s just a matter of willpower: The day you decide it’s over, it’s over. You never get over it. ~ Junot Díaz
At 4am, I woke up with intense shivering. It was so severe that I practically couldn't move. I some how was able to get up, open my nightstand and take Advil. If it weren't for Advil, I would never have gotten back to sleep. When I woke up at 6:30am, I felt like I was on fire. I took my temperature and it was 101. Most people who have 101 fever, go back to bed and rest. NOT possible in my household. Since Peter left me, I am the sole adult on duty. It is a large and daunting responsibility.
At 6:30am, I walked downstairs, fed Indie, popped two Tylenol, and tried to pull it together so I could shower, dress, and manage my full morning routine. My dad had his memory care program today and my mom's physical therapist was coming at 10am. After her therapy session, we drove to Quest so she could have two different blood tests. I had a whole routine today, of alternating between Tylenol and Advil, so literally I was taking something every two hours. That is how I got through my day.
On top of how crummy I feel, I am noticing projects around the house that really have to get done. Not simple or easy ones. Our flagstone patio is completely covered in algae and instead of seeing the beautiful stone, I see it covered in a layer of blackness. I know Peter used to power wash the stone, but I can't figure out how the power washer works. So I have been investigating other options. But whatever option I choose, it will be labor intensive, which I wouldn't mind per se, if I had a minute to myself. All of these tasks, I now manage alone, and I am always asking myself, how could Peter leave me? My therapist said to me this week.... YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THIS! I am not sure anyone deserves this level of cruelty and abandonment from someone they love. All I know is I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
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