Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was four and a half years old and that day he carved a tiny pumpkin at his preschool. He brought it home and we put a little candle in it and lit it! Mattie proudly displayed it in our living room. As you can see, Mattie naturally gravitated to orange. No surprise that the Foundation's main color is orange.
Quote of the day: The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it… ~ Nicholas Sparks
I am a big Nicholas Sparks fan. I think I have read almost every book he has written. Why? You know there is a story behind this! In the summer of 1996, several of my college friends came out to Los Angeles, so we could celebrate my friend, Leslie's engagement. On a side note, Leslie was my freshman college roommate. To this day, we are still connected and I am honored that I was her maid of honor at her wedding. One of my friends who came out to celebrate with us was Audrey. Audrey has since become a librarian. Audrey LOVED books. I on the other hand wasn't into reading books for pleasure. For me reading was always a task I needed to do for my various degrees. So it was more laborious rather then something fun.
Any case that summer, Audrey was recounting a book she had just read. As she was describing the story, I got sucked in. So I naturally asked her.... what is the name of this book? It was The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Here I was a person who did not like reading for pleasure, and yet I purchased this fiction book. The Notebook resonated with me, and the story captured my heart and mind. I wouldn't have guessed that much later in my life I would be caring for someone with Alzheimer's, and the content of the book would strike home! But what I fell in love with was Sparks' character development, his ability to put words to difficult emotions, and to capture the beauty of true love. I always thought that the husband in The Notebook reminded me of Peter. That Peter would be by my side, no matter what, even if I lost my memory. He would be there to be our historian, and to always recount our life together. Yes I live in a Spark's novel, or in a Hallmark movie at times, where I have this magical notion that true love does exist and when you have it, you fight to keep it no matter what.
Today was a hellish day. I woke up at 5pm, to take a full dosage of Zofran, an anti-nausea drug. I let this kick in for an hour and then at 6am, I fed Indie, and then began the second dose of the colonoscopy prep. The first dosage, last night, took THREE hours for it to produce its intended purpose. I was so worried that it wasn't working, that I almost called the after hours doctor. But I think it was just stress. I was balancing serving dinner to my parents and cleaning up, that somehow my body knew..... YOU HAVE TO WAIT. So the first dosage of Suprep wasn't bad at all, once I actually consumed the poison like substance. Consuming this nightmare is the hardest part of the process for me.
But this morning, after only five minutes of taking a few sips, I was running back and forth to the bathroom for HOURS. How I was able to get most of this second dosage down is beyond me. I gave up with the last finger full of Suprep, because if I consumed anymore, I would have vomited it all up. Now keep in mind that colonoscopy prep is NOT the only thing I had to do. I had to make breakfast for my parents, get my dad up, showered, dressed, downstairs, and to his memory care center. I run a circus show and I am the ring master.
I am very grateful for my friend Denise. Denise arrived at my house early, so she could take my dad to his memory care program. Then she took me and my mom to the colonoscopy center, and she sat with my mom for two hours. This is good medicine for my mom, because she enjoys talking to Denise, and my mom needs another outlet OTHER THAN ME! Then we all had a lovely lunch together. I was starving!
The nurse who worked with me today was a pip! I overheard her saying that she was going to get a newbie to train on me and to start my IV. I piped up and I said NO! That I was not going to be her guinea pig, because starting IVs in me is as challenging as it is for my dad. I think the nurses were surprised by my attitude, but I was not in the mood to get poked multiple times, as I need an experienced person working on me. In addition, the nurse couldn't find a vein and wanted to go through my hand. Again I said NO! Then she couldn't figure out how to take my blood pressure. She had cuffs going on both arms and even my leg. Truthfully it is no surprise that when she finally got a reading, my blood pressure was high.
Thankfully the good news is I am fine and do not have to repeat this process for another five years. Since my grandfather died from colon cancer, I get screened more frequently. Of course anyone who thinks it is the doctor performing the surgery or procedure who is the most important person in the room, would be wrong. DON'T forget the anesthesiologist. This doctor is crucial for your medical stability and the safety of the procedure. All I know is one second she was pushing Propofol into my IV and the next second I was out! When I woke up, I was actually very relaxed. Not my usual state when I wake up. When I wake up at home, I am practically jolted awake, dealing with anxiety and sometimes fear that THIS IS MY LIFE! That I face yet another day without Peter.
I think what is most disheartening about today is I faced it without Peter and he did not even know or care about the fact that I was undergoing this procedure. How does this happen after 35 years of being together? I HAVE NO ANSWERS.
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