Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2007. Mattie was five years old. We carved a pumpkin together, put a candle inside of it, and Mattie was posing with his creation. Mattie loved everything pumpkin, and as a result, pumpkins became a big deal to me. This year, I was in no mood to decorate, but in honor of Mattie, I did get a big pumpkin and it sits on our front door step.
Quote of the day: A heartbreak is a blessing from God. It’s just his way of letting you realize he saved you from the wrong one. ~ Anonymous
I came across this quote tonight and all I can say is REALLY?? I love when people generate platitudes to help ease or explain the unexplainable. What I do know is trite or dismissive statements, when I am distraught further add to my pain. But to tie heartbreak to God is a new one for me. I do not link heartache, blessings, and God together.
It was another winner of a day. I am filled with anxiety and can feel panic taking over. When this happens, I know I have to MOVE. I trimmed more bushes, then cleaned windows, and began scrubbing my fieldstone walkways. They are covered in algae and muck. I can see it is going to be a long process to get this clean and because of the expansive nature of our walkways, I most likely will need to turn to a professional because these stones need to be cleaned and sealed.
In between this chore, I also did a clean up from the construction site I live next door to, as there were food containers, paper towels, and trash all within our bushes. If you haven't put two and two together, I am a very type A person and when it comes to cleanliness, my tolerance is low for trash, debris, and mess.
I would say that this weekend I hit a low. Each day is filled with the same nightmare of tasks and heartache, with no end in sight. I just never thought that I would ever be faced with getting divorced and certainly not after a 35 year long relationship. Nothing makes sense to me any longer.
2 comments:
Don't give Peter the power to rule your thoughts. He doesn't deserve you. He has shown you who he is, so you need to believe him and not put him up on a pedestal. You are wonderful and strong. You thrived without Peter before you met him, and you will continue to thrive without him!
Thank you for your vote of confidence. I may get there, but I am no where near this now, because I know the real man behind the facade.
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