Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. Mattie was a year old. At that point, Mattie was toddling around and not walking independently. We took Mattie to the Outer Banks of North Carolina that week. It was our first trip to the beach! Mattie was scared of the ocean and hated the feeling of sand on his feet. So we spent a lot of time on the deck.... as you can see Mattie loved the hose and watering down the wood! Thankfully, we just kept introducing Mattie to the beach and the following year, Mattie graduated from the deck and made it to the beach! He loved making sand castles and beach combing!
Quote of the day: The disease might hide the person underneath, but there’s still a person in there who needs your love and attention. ~ Jamie Calandriello
This morning I thought I could sleep to 8:15am. That did not happen. At 8am, Indie was throwing her body against my bedroom door. She wanted me up because she was hungry. As I started to get up, I opened my bedroom blinds. I could see Steve, the fellow who helps me outside the house, was pulling up to the house in his truck. I figured my gardening company sent him over because their mowers broke the hinges in my backyard gate. I had no time to get dressed, so I literally threw a jacket over my pajamas and headed outside. While I headed to the front door, my neighbor text messaged me. He wanted me to know that I was going to hear two gun shots! THANK goodness he texted me, because I would have called the police otherwise. A deer got caught while attempting to jump over my neighbor's fence. Animal control showed up and they assessed that the deer was badly injured and suffering. So the deer was killed. Truly that sound and image have been with me all day. My neighbors told me that they text messaged me before the shots occurred because I have been through way too much and I am still juggling way too much. I thought their sensitivity was very kind.
I can only imagine what Steve thought when he saw me, because usually I know when he is coming and I am put together. This morning, I am sure I looked wiped out, dazed, and confused. Steve understands everything I am dealing with and is a kind soul. I am convinced there is nothing he can't fix. As is typical, when Steve arrives, he thinks he is coming for one thing, but I always have other problems I need help with. Today's adventure was my backyard lights. After the rain storm two nights ago, the lights stopped working. I checked my circuit breakers, I checked the power chords going to the landscaping transformers and everything looked fine. So I concluded... it has to be the transformer. I was going to take on the replacement of the transformer this morning, but when Steve arrived, I tasked him to deal with it! And then there was light!
I got to the hospital about an hour later than I usually do. I typically try to get to the hospital to give my dad lunch and dinner. By the time I got to the hospital, all I can say is...............DEAR GOD! My dad was disoriented, very confused, and basically said his life wasn't worth living. He said he is insane and I should not have to take care of someone like him. Truthfully it was a combination of confusion and great sensitivity beyond himself. Typically with my dad's dementia, he can't think beyond himself and his needs. Today, I saw a glimpse of my real dad, the dad who wanted to look out for me and who always had my best interest at heart.
My dad thought he was at work (not the hospital). In fact, he told me.... please don't tell them I am insane! Why? Because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to bring home a paycheck and then he would be leaving me and my mom destitute. No matter how debilitated my dad maybe, my point is, he was and has always been a FAMILY MAN! His family comes first, he worries about his family, and one of his important roles in life was to be a provider for his family.
My dad thought my maternal grandmother was still alive. He thought that his brother (who died years ago) was down the hallway and he was telling us about conversations he had in his room today with colleagues from work. This acute change in his cognition caught my attention, so when his nurse came in, I asked her about my dad. She said YES, there was a noticeable change today, so much so, that my dad got out of his wheelchair, grabbed his walker, and was wandering the hallways this morning on his own. Keep in mind that my dad is NOT allowed any movement without help and supervision. When the nursing staff saw that he was wandering, they freaked out and now even in his wheelchair, he sits on a pad that is attached to a device that gives off a horrible alarm if he gets up!
The nurse also told me about his massive bathroom accidents today. I am used to these, but they caught her by surprise. She feels that my dad may have C Diff. C Diff is a bacterium that can cause diarrhea and colitis (inflammation of the colon). C. Diff infections are often acquired in healthcare settings.
My dad really wants us to sleep in the hospital room with him, but there is no way I can make that happen with my mom in tow, and me balancing the house and the cat alone. I have created a July calendar for my dad, I have cues and prompts all over the room to help him remember where he is, but truthfully there comes a point where even these cues and prompts are of no use. Today was very upsetting, but what I do know is our visits are crucial to keeping my dad mentally engaged and in touch with reality.
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