Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2008. Mattie was recovering from his second limb salvaging surgery and they wanted Mattie to do breathing exercises to clear out his lungs. Doing regular spirometer exercises did not interest Mattie in the least. So a friend gave us this clever eye glass straw, which required deep breathing in and out to get the liquid up this straw. Though the straw was for Mattie, you can see that I was using it! This was our typical dynamic..... as Mattie always made me try something first before he would venture a turn. As you can see, Mattie was very focused on what I was doing and paying close attention to the liquid in the straw!
Quote of the day: When I was young I didn't understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird. ~ Audrey Niffenegger
Each night, after I get my parents to bed, put my dad's clothes in the washing machine, and close up things downstairs, I then head upstairs. But when I do this, I am NOT alone. Indie, my tortoise shell cat, shadows me. She realizes that this is the point in the day when she can get my undivided attention. Sometimes I think Indie thinks she is a dog, and not a cat! When we first adopted Indie (July 2016), I had many months to bond with her, before we rescued Sunny (September 2016). Back in 2016, Indie would sit on my desk while I was working, or even would sit on my lap while I was typing on my computer. But then Sunny came along, and he and I became very close. He was my dog for sure and Indie just accepted this change.
With the death of Sunny, and me becoming divorced, Indie has quickly learned that all her needs will be met by me, and that I am the only one in the house who really pays attention to her. So at night, Indie literally herds me upstairs to my bedroom, and waits for me to get into bed. Once I am in bed, she has her routine! The routine involves walking on me and then settling down right next to my leg. She wants to be petted and eagerly awaits this attention each night. It is rather funny, as I go from caring for my parents by day, to caring for Indie at night. Once she settles down, then I can get some sort of peace, but she is definitely with me until around 3 to 5am. At that point she activates, makes a racket and I literally have to shuttle her out of my room otherwise I can't sleep. So soundful sleep I don't get! Given my full days of caregiving and this cat routine at night, I am very tired!
This morning, I had trouble getting up! But I knew I had to as my dad had a doctor's appointment. At the appointment, the doctor tried to take blood from him. After three needle sticks they gave up. None of this surprises me, as my dad has something called rolling veins, which makes it virtually impossible to get blood samples from him. But why did I need today's appointment? It wasn't like my dad was sick! Because my dad has diabetes and his health insurer covers the cost of his special shoes once a year. However, to qualify, we need to provide documentation from his primary care doctor. What irritates me about this is MANY things! First off, my dad has diabetes! A chronic disease! That I have to prove this to his insurer each year is ridiculous. But what sends me over the deep end is that my dad was hospitalized three weeks in July. While hospitalized, they checked his sugar levels around the clock and administered him insulin throughout the day/night. His diabetes and treatment were documented for three weeks! But NOPE that doesn't count. The paperwork and diabetes care must be done by the primary care doctor. I want to know what bureaucrat made up these regulations! Clearly one that has NEVER cared for a 90 year old with Alzheimer's! To get my parents to the doctor's office for this nonsense of a visit required a lot of effort on my part. It is a juggling act of helping each one out of the car and into the medical building. Because my mom needs a lot of support, I take her in first, and then come back to the car to get my dad. Once in the building, it is shuttling them to the office, managing bathroom needs, and so forth! Trust me it is overwhelming and again this is just one small portion of my day. It isn't like once the visit is over, I have the freedom to regroup! I don't! It is onto the next need and task.
In the midst of this, I realized today that I had to stop what I was doing to put together the Foundation's November newsletter! It is just so upsetting that I face all these life tasks alone, and all I can say is I would never do this to someone I loved. If I did, I would be riddled with guilt, remorse, and be deeply ashamed.
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