Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was standing on the St. Stephen's and St. Agnes School track (where both of our Mattie walks have been held for the past two years) surrounded by the entire school's football team. Mattie had begun chemotherapy at that point, but had not completed any surgeries yet. The members of the football team that year were incredible supporters of Mattie. They would send him gifts and even did a Mattie cheer on occasion at certain games. Whether these young men knew it or not, their support was greatly appreciated by us. It was through this team, that I met their head coach, Dave Holm. Dave was and continues to be an incredible member of Team Mattie, and on days when I feel as if I am struggling with my feelings alone, I try to remember the amazing team that continues to stand behind us.
Quote of the day: There are some people who, when they die, the whole world seems depopulated. ~ Alphonse de Lamartine
Mattie was indeed the kind of child, who when he died, made the world seem depopulated. Mattie had a way of filling a room, of capturing your attention, and also recruiting you to participate in his antics and activities. It was a type of energy and spirit that can never be replaced, but instead has left a deep hole in our lives.
I left DC with a migraine and it continued throughout the day. Peter, my mom, and I went on a morning walk. I brought my pedometer with me and as my lifetime friend, Karen, says, I added two more people to my walking club today. Peter and I were wearing Mattie Miracle t-shirts, so Karen would be happy to know that my team members are beginning to even match. It is a running joke that we have with each other! In many ways walking makes me feel better, and it gets me out, moving, and interacting with my environment in some way. While walking, my mom was chatting with us about the black tailed deer that roam around in her neighborhood. Literally as she was talking, almost on cue, a deer with antlers walked right in front of us. It was just too unbelievable for words. We continued laughing about this sighting throughout the day!
My parents took us to see a musical today called, Merrily We Roll Along. I had heard of this play, but never saw it before. This is a controversial play because back in 1981, the musical closed on Broadway after ONLY 16 performances. So I went into the show with a clouded perspective. However, despite its history, the play got to me within the first scene. I thoroughly appreciated the psychological and social content expressed in the story.
Merrily We Roll Along is a musical with a book by George Furth and lyrics and music by Stephen Sondheim. It is based on the 1934 play of the same name by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart. Furth and Sondheim retained the basic structure and overall theme of the play but updated it to encompass the period from 1957 to 1976. The story revolves around Franklin Shepard who, having once been a talented composer of Broadway musicals, has now abandoned his friends and his songwriting career to become a producer of Hollywood flicks. Like the play, the musical begins at the height of his Hollywood fame and moves backwards in time, showing snapshots of the most important moments in Frank's life that shaped the man that he is today.
Technically this is a musical, but I must admit the music (not the lyrics) itself is NOT very memorable. Nonetheless, the content of the play is very timely and very poignant. The play opens up with a scene of absolute success. The main character, Frank, appears to have everything anyone could ask for in life. A wife, a son, an amazingly successful hollywood career, is adored by his fans and the critics, and he is the life of the party who everyone wants to emulate. However, that is ONLY just at the surface. If you dig deeper, his real life isn't so peachy. His wife wants to divorce him, he is estranged from his son, he has alienated his two closest friends, he is surrounded by people who only love him for his money and fame, and worst of all, he has compromised on his true gift for writing music. With each successive scene, we go back in time, years in some cases. Through this journey, we begin to understand the man behind the character, and also see how the seeds for his self destruction were created. To me, there were MANY morals to this play. I call it a play, because to me the music was just a backdrop to the story, it was almost like theme or mood music in a movie. The play clearly illustrated to its audience that the people we meet in our lifetime can influence us in positive and negative ways, and these interactions can alter our lives and our future forever. In addition, Frank's life started out with great hope and optimism. He was blessed with great talent and two amazing and dear friends who always stood beside him regardless of the circumstances. However, over time, as Frank changed and became enamored by fame, wealth, and power, his loyalties and priorities changed. He treated the two closest people in his life poorly and in the end three people's lives (Frank's and his two friends) were destroyed. Therefore, when things supersede people in our lives, trouble arises. I also think the play illustrates the beauty of friendship, and when a deeply trusting and loving friendship gets betrayed, it has a lasting and permanent impact. Because with each form of betrayal experienced, a piece within one's self gets destroyed.
After the play, my parents took Peter out to dinner for his birthday. His birthday isn't until November, but because they won't be seeing him then they wanted to celebrate it earlier. At dinner we discussed the Foundation and the blog. There are times when having these discussions is challenging for me. I am not sure why! But there is a great deal of emotion wrapped up for me in the Foundation work and naturally to keeping Mattie's memory alive. It is not like a task that I am dispassionate about, which is most likely why there are times I can become volatile about the subject matter. As we were chatting the conversation evolved into ways that I have changed since Mattie's death and instead of this being a way of expressing myself and the difficulties surrounding our loss, it became a means for me to feel more negative about myself. When I feel overwhelmed now, my primary way of coping with things is to shut down, and to think about it internally. So tonight I am left pondering.
We are headed on a long eight hour car trip tomorrow to the Grand Canyon. So the next time you hear from me, I will be in Arizona.
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