Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Tuesday, July 5, 2011 -- Mattie died 95 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007 in Los Angeles. What I love about this picture was it showed Mattie's growing confidence in the water and by a pool. Confidence that we worked on developing that summer. Like with everything else in Mattie's life, when he was ready to do or accomplish something, he did it! This was a lesson Peter and I learned early on with him, we just needed to have the patience and the faith in Mattie.

Quote of the day: An important way to cope with grief is having an outlet, be it interpersonal, be it artistic, that will allow you to not have to contain your grief, but will give you an opportunity to express it, to externalize it to some degree.  ~ R. Benyamin Cirlin


It is hard to believe it is another Tuesday, a week that marks Mattie's 95th week gone from our lives. The numbers keep getting higher each week, but the reality of the situation only becomes MORE profound and real. I have been battling a migraine headache now for over five days and also haven't been sleeping well. Today's newest symptom associated with my migraine was hearing loss. That was scary and it put me off balance for a bit. However, I decided to get up and out and do my walking routine in hopes that the fresh air, change of scenery, and listening to music while I was walking would help my headache. After an hour of walking in the heat, I regained my hearing completely.

After walking I ran some chores, and then stopped by briefly to visit Ann's mom, Mary during lunch. I sat with Mary, Shayla (Mary's caregiver), and 3 other residents. I actually had a wonderful time getting to know Mary's table mates and one simply loved the fact that I was born and raised in New York. She was from New Jersey and felt camaraderie. It was very cute.

I met up with my friend Tina today for lunch. We chatted for hours about all sorts of subjects and thoughts. We can cover a lot of territory together. We had a fascinating conversation about friendships and what qualities attract us to our friends. It was an interesting notion, which I must admit I never thought much about until Tina talked about this today. As I was absorbing what she was saying, I came to the conclusion about myself. A person becomes my friend first and foremost because of the emotional connection and bond I feel we share. As I look at my friends over the years, there certainly has not been a commonality for me in terms of political viewpoints, religion, socioeconomic status, and the list goes on. In fact, all those things fall by the way side, and the unifying factor that attracts me to a friend is the ability to be able to communicate and relate to someone on an emotional level.  

Tonight when Peter got home from work, I was too exhausted to even move and contend with dinner. Eventually I got myself up and moving and we made dinner together and sat outside on the deck with the cat for about two hours. We chatted about our day, about Peter's trip this week to Nigeria, and in the midst of this, just enjoyed our secret garden and fountains. By the end of the day with a pounding headache, the garden is very needed.

I end tonight's posting with a message from Mattie's oncologist and our friend. Though Kristen is on vacation, she still emailed me today. Kristen wrote, "Thinking of you on this Tuesday and everyday."