Friday, November 18, 2011Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2008, during Mattie's first admission to Georgetown University Hospital. I remember making this model magic mask with Mattie in the hallway of the unit. We were in the hallway because when Mattie first entered Georgetown, there was NO childlife playroom. Fortunately within months of his admission, the Hospital received a generous donation and a much needed playroom was built. That playroom was a God sent and a refuge for us from the confines of Mattie's PICU room. I loved this mask that Mattie made, and I still have it today on display in our kitchen.
Quote of the day: The body has a remarkable ability to displace pain. First it's in the abstract, then it's in your skin as a feeling, before it moves into your mind as a story, but sooner or later the pain ends up in your heart. And that's where it stays. ~ Emily Rapp
My friend Charlie sent me this quote and I absolutely love it! In a nutshell it summarizes the impact of Mattie's grief for me. There are times when I long for the "displaced pain" state which I was in during 2009, right after Mattie died. Being emotionally numb is naturally not healthy but in a way it protected me and kept me somewhat safe. As time wore on though, grief has become both physical and emotional. Almost as if it travels around the body. I do believe my grief settled in certain parts of my body, which is why early on in the grief process I got repeated sinus infections and fevers. However, the blog enables grief to become a story, and as such, telling the story brings the pain directly to my heart..... and there it lies.
Peter and I are both physically and emotionally drained from yesterday. Certainly in a positive way. We will not be forgetting that awards ceremony any time soon and I have appreciated the lovely comments and feedback we have received today from many people! In fact, my friend Tina who was at the awards dinner with us last night sent me an email this morning acknowledging how memorable the evening was and how Georgetown administrators went out of their way to make the night special for Peter and I and all our guests. The wording Tina used, was we were "wined and dined" and she was correct. It was an elegant evening, that flowed well, and I am so happy to hear that our friends felt appreciated.
I had the opportunity to have lunch with Christine today. Christine and her husband attended the awards dinner with us last night and we chatted about that experience as well as upcoming Foundation activities. Christine is the kind of friend who always asks me.... how can I help? Music to my ears, because it is thanks to friends and volunteers like Christine, the Foundation is able to host large events such as the annual walk.
I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from Karen's mom, Naomi. Naomi wrote, "Look at what the two of you have accomplished! You have gone out in the world and made a difference. What I love about your intelligent, forceful and brave work is that you have given others a sense of purpose as they seek to help you put your Foundation on the map. A tribute to you! A tribute to Mattie. You make me want to cheer and you move me to tears all at the same time."
The second message is from my friend, Susan. Susan wrote, "First congratulations on your award, but also on how you continue to touch people in Mattie's honor and memory! I know that this is not how you wanted to find "your calling," but it is wonderful how through you Mattie still is impacting people. In a way it makes me think of the Beatles song Imagine... Imagine if you and Peter hadn't chosen the path that you did, to set out to make a difference for others through all your pain. So many people would remain untouched. Very powerful indeed."
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