A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



January 24, 2013

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and on a walk with us of Roosevelt Island. Mattie's love for the Island started early and as you can see here, Mattie loved traveling on Peter's back. This backpack gave us a new lease on life because prior to the backpack there was nothing we could put Mattie in that he liked. Mattie despised his stroller, looked like he was in pain in a baby bjorn or front carrier, and wouldn't stay long in a car seat.



Quote of the day: It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. ~ Alan Cohen

The day began with snow but fortunately there was no accumulation on the main roads and only about a half of an inch on side walks and side streets. I learned to drive in Los Angeles, therefore I have NO concept at all for driving in the snow. My lack of experience is bad enough, but the absolute chaos and frenzy that develops in the DC area over snow, breeds panic! So I am not a person who loves to see snow, mainly because when it snows in DC I feel trapped and even more isolated. I do not find the white stuff beautiful, peaceful, and it instills no sense of nostalgia in me.

My plan was to go to my zumba class today. Starting the day by exercising makes me feel better. However, when I saw the snow, I knew that the class would either be cancelled or delayed. Fortunately it was only delayed and that got me up, moving, and interacting with others. Peter has tried to encourage me to work out in our complex's exercise room because he knows I feel better moving around. But for me the moving around must involve music, dancing, and seeing other people. I am not disciplined or interested enough to get on a piece of equipment and walk, run, etc. What I love about this particular zumba class is it involves dancing and to me dancing is fun and not necessarily exercise.

I haven't been feeling well and today after class in the freezing cold, I went to fill my car up with gas. During the process I landed up slipping in snow and getting gas all over me. It was a horrible feeling and smell, but I managed through the day somehow. I am signing off for today, am plugging away on Foundation items, and hoping tomorrow is a better day.

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