Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. At that point in time Mattie was very ill. He was in constant pain, having trouble breathing, and days later we learned of his terminal disease status. It always makes me pause and wonder.... how did Mattie manage all of this and yet find the strength and energy to smile, to play, and to interact with us? I have no answers!
As you can see Mattie was surrounded by many of his things. Including a construction paper roach, who took a seat on our couch. In Mattie's hands, he was holding a huge fly swatter. A gag gift he received at his 7th birthday party. In this particular case, Mattie was swatting at me, so I couldn't move closer to the couch to remove the roach. Mattie always got a chuckle at my reaction whenever a saw a bug.
Quote of the day: Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. It’s a sign that you have a big heart, and that you aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength. ~ Brigitte Nicole
I believe the premise of this quote is exactly right... it takes a great deal of strength to express one's feelings. Mainly because revealing how you feel requires you to be vulnerable, to not have all the answers, and to be truthful. Which is why many people are hesitant to be sensitive or focus on emotional content. The issue with sensitivity presents itself in our everyday lives, but I would say it is heightened when dealing with the medical profession.
Part of the problem with healthcare today is that doctors forget they are working with people. The other problem is they are balancing way too many patients and therefore do not have the time to dedicate to "small talk." Talk that actually provides more data about the presenting issue, but also sets the foundation for a healthy human connection. There is a great deal to be said about the healing power of this human connection. Knowing that you aren't alone and that you are being heard on your journey to physically feeling better.
This week, Peter went for an annual health exam. As he was tired of seeing my doctor, I suggested he see someone else. Someone who I went to years ago, after I gave birth to Mattie. In fact, this doctor also cared for my parents whenever they were visiting from Los Angeles. So all three of us like him. When I caught up with Peter today about his overall experience with this doctor, I was thrilled to hear about the doctor's sensitivity. A quality I remembered about him years ago.
In most medical intake forms, the question always arises as to whether you have children or not. I honestly do not know how to answer this question. Mainly because there isn't an appropriate answer choice on the form for us. But Peter answered the question factually.... he wrote in, yes but that Mattie died from osteosarcoma. I can't tell you how many doctors offices I have written about child loss on the form and in ALL cases, the doctor neither reviews the form or even mentions this loss.
Which is why what happened in Peter's doctor visit this week caught my attention. The doctor actually sat down, got to know Peter, and they reviewed his forms together. All I can say is wow! Then the doctor took this a step further. When he saw Peter's response to whether he had children or not, the doctor paused when he saw the answer. This doctor not only read the form but then processed it. He told Peter he was very sorry to hear about the loss of Mattie. Instead of saying something trite, his next words were..... How are you doing with this loss?
I think that is a very interestingly worded question. Mainly because what it implies to me is the doctor realizes that the grief from child loss is not short term, but rather something you live with your entire life. In any case, this doctor and Peter develop an instant rapport and guess what? If the rapport is there and you feel like your doctor is listening to you, the more compliant a patient will be to come back for check ups and to call if not feeling well. Ironically, you want to know how I met this doctor to begin with? He was referred to me by Mattie's pediatrician, soon after Mattie was born. If I dig deep enough, everything we do is connected to Mattie in some way.
No comments:
Post a Comment