Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That day we took Mattie to Roosevelt Island to walk around and explore. Along his journey he came across a crinkly hedgeapple (which he was holding). Naturally he picked it up and we took it home. We later cut into it, to examine it closer. It had a beautiful lemony fragrance. This photo was taken with Georgetown University in the background. It is somewhat eerie knowing that just a year later, Mattie was on that exact campus receiving cancer treatment.
Quote of the day: I miss her all the time. I know in my head that she has gone. The only difference is that I am getting used to the pain. It's like discovering a great hole in the ground. To begin with, you forget it's there and keep falling in. After a while, it's still there, but you learn to walk round it. ~ Rachel Joyce
Since Friday is Veteran's Day and my dad's program is closed that day, his make up day was today. I would say for the most part my dad doesn't enjoy going to this program. He does carry a small notebook and pen in his shirt pocket so he can make notes about his day. However, he rarely uses it while at the center. The only thing he records is the type of lunch he eats! If you ask him what he did during his four hour stay at the center, he has absolutely no idea. The scary part about this is I have the daily schedule the center follows for his classroom. Even when I read off items listed on the schedule to him, (like a travel discussion of Puerto Rico) he has NO idea what I am talking about. He is adamant that they did not talk about Puerto Rico today. I have confronted the center staff about this because at first I thought they weren't following the schedule. I just have trouble accepting that my dad's memory is that bad! Surely if I could jog his memory for the daily schedule, he would be able to report back out about his day! But the answer to this is NO, NO, and NO.
On some level I wonder what is a memory issue and what is a behavioral issue. Each day that he goes to the memory center, I review the schedule activities before he leaves the house. We then tell him to record one activity he did in his notebook. Despite reminding him, he never does it. Trust me when I say that I make a fuss over this request, I am not kidding, and I can't imagine that given how I pepper him about this three times a week, that he can't remember even one activity from the day. It is either his memory is that bad (which I know it is), or its a combination of that, with being totally disengaged and disconnected from others around him.
I have had the opportunity to talk with other people caring for parents with dementia. I assumed they are all like my dad! I am learning they are not. Many people with dementia do like socializing to some extent and getting involved in activities. All I know is our daily existence is quite depressing, as it is very difficult being around people who are very self absorbed and in my dad's case would rather sleep the day away, and only be awake for meals.
While my dad was at the center this morning, I sat down and started writing Mattie Miracle's November newsletter. I have a busy November, ahead because the Foundation has its item drive (in which items need organization and then be delivered), our Foundation has a mass mailing to loyal supporters, and I also must complete my continuing education credits in order to maintain my professional counseling license. This has been quite a year for me, and it has been impossible to accrue hours given all I am balancing. I have to admit there are times I say.... the hell with it! I just can't take on one more thing. But as Peter goes away to Boston for Thanksgiving, I am hoping to develop a night pattern, after my parents go to bed, of working on my CEUs. I just can't do it during the daytime hours, as I have no peace and quiet, and certainly no time to concentrate. Wish me luck!
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