Tonight's photo was taken in July of 2008, weeks before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Honestly I would never have guessed that childhood cancer would be in our future. When I look at this photo, it seemed to me that Mattie had his whole life ahead of him and we were going to share in all of his milestones. On the weekends, we always went for nature walks, and I learned at an early age with Mattie, that being outside was where he was the happiest.
Quote of the day: Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. ~ Publilius Syrus
I am happy to report that Peter is doing much better today. He is walking and moving around normally. Yesterday it was very clear that he was achy and had discomfort, as he was walking very gingerly. Peter's incisions look fantastic and it is hard to believe that through these small incisions his hernias could be correct. In so many ways, this points to the miraculous nature of modern medicine. Medicine has come so far, and yet with cancer care, it seems like we are still in the dark ages.
Though yesterday's surgery was done on an out patient basis and therefore is considered more minor, I was well aware that with any kind of surgery comes risk. That notion is never far from my mind. I knew Peter needed the surgery as his issues were affecting his quality of life, and also if hernias are not addressed, they can become life threatening. Nonetheless, it was an eerie feeling sitting in the day surgery area, a place where we started Mattie's treatment at the hospital. I will never forget this space or our experiences. In some ways all of this comes flooding back to me while there, and on the other hand, this hospital provides me great comfort. How can one hospital provide such mixed emotions????
It is a good question, but here's the thing. Other treatment centers recommended that we not fight Mattie's cancer and just move to palliative/end of life care. Not at MedStar Georgetown, they wanted to try all treatment options possible to give Mattie the chance to live. I will never forget that, and that feeling was with me as I anxiously awaited updates on Peter.
Now that the surgery is behind me, I can focus more closely on those traumatic feelings that arose yesterday, but that I had to keep at bay. It would serve no purpose yesterday if I fell apart, because I wanted to support Peter, and of course, have to manage my parents when I got home. Yet I would be lying if I said that yesterday went fine and without a hitch. I know all too well that with surgery things arise, other problems can be uncovered, and things can also go wrong. When those flutters of panic arose yesterday, I reflected on Mattie, and I truly feel his spirit is alive and well at his hospital. Somehow I felt that Mattie was looking out for his dad, and that notion brought me comfort while sitting in the day surgery waiting room.
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