Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2005. Mattie was two and half years old and I remember this moment in time perfectly. Mattie just finished having a massive tantrum. Mattie's tantrums were intense and they could really get to me at times. However, I learned to remain calm and not to talk until he eventually stabilized. It was in that calm moment, that I lifted Mattie onto the counter and we had a meeting of the minds. After which, I got this cute smile! He was a priceless fellow.
Quote of the day: If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life. ~ Roger Caras
I have several blog readers who have put two and two together and others who are just wondering what on earth is going on with me?! Certainly I am a caregiver, which is a role that is all consuming. But caregiving is NOT something new to me. I know what it entails and I am also very good at putting my own needs aside to assist others. What I haven't mentioned on the blog (until now) and won't go into detail for some time, is the simple fact that Peter left me on September 23. We have known each other for 35 years and have been through a lot together. Which is why his separation from me has been absolutely earth shattering. I will leave it at that, as I don't feel comfortable sharing more. But hopefully now that you read my words you can put into context how sad, lost, confused, and hopeless I feel.
My mom and I went out to lunch today with my friend, Junko. I have known Junko since 2007. Her son and Mattie met one another in summer camp at their elementary school. Mattie was going to begin that school in the Fall of 2007, so I figured sending him to the school's summer camp would help him meet some of his classmates before school began. Mattie was shy coming into new situations, and I remember the first day I dropped him off at camp, he wanted me to come into the school's gym with him. The teacher however, did not want me to do that. By day two, I could tell Mattie was unhappy, so despite what the teacher requested, I marched right into the gym. I scanned around the room and saw most of the kids paired up. Except for one! Junko's son, Kazu. I took Mattie by the hand and went up to Kazu. I basically asked him if he knew anyone in the gym? He said no. So I introduced Kazu to Mattie. I suggested that they stick together that day in camp. Voila.... it worked! They became buddies and of course this is what brought Junko into my life. Isn't it funny how one connection can lead to another.
Junko has always supported me and was a huge help when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. She would come to the hospital, bring me all sorts of treats and then would give me a neck and back massage. Truthfully all of Mattie's care providers knew Junko and were so grateful for the loving care she provided me. Junko and her mom also assembled 1,000 paper cranes for Mattie (each which comes with a special prayer and blessing). These cranes hung on Mattie's IV pole at every hospital admission. Now these cranes hang in my office. Here we are, 15 years later from Mattie's diagnosis, and once again, Junko is there to support me and to remind me that my friends love me and stand behind me always.
The words on this sunflower blanket are words of strength, of power, of affirmation. You've always had your voice and speak up when wrongs are done, but you've learned in therapy YOU ARE A WARRIOR - use these attributes as you heal and discover that your true friends are here by your side.
This blanket now sits on my side of the couch and the beautiful sunflowers (a forever symbol of Team Mattie) and its meaningful words I will take to heart on my many down moments.
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