Sunday, January 7, 2024

Sunday, January 7, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was nine months old and was desperate to walk! He wasn't into sitting or crawling. Mattie absolutely loved his "tot wheels" walker. He zoomed around it inside our home and in our commons area of our townhouse. To me this photo is priceless! Mattie was looking up at me while Peter was taking the photo. This was confirmed years ago by a photographer who blew up the photo and low and behold, my image was reflected in Mattie's eyes. These were priceless moments in time, and a much happier phase of my life. 

Quote of the day: You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

I absolutely agree with Stevenson.... all dogs go to heaven. They are God's creatures! God doesn't discriminate or have multiple heavens. There is ONE heaven and thankfully God loves all of us enough to grant us eternal life. We don't have to earn or work for this love, we are given it at birth. Typically I keep my religion to myself, but in times of stress and trauma, my spiritual side will come shining through. I am a 'cradle Catholic,' or so I am called, and proud of it. Catholicism has always guided my life, and as I face the pending loss of Sunny, my world is spinning all around me.

All day yesterday Sunny refused food and his pills. I have had bad moments with Sunny before, but typically I could get him to eat treats or some of his favorite things. NOT true yesterday. Today, when I came downstairs, I noticed that Sunny's back legs gave out on him. Making him "lame." I have had to lift him around the house all day. He prefers to sleep, isn't eating anything, and isn't drinking water. I can't even get his pills down with duck pate. 

Sunny is basically listless and I recall his oncologist telling me that in January I would have to make a difficult decision. Today that message came flooded my thoughts. This is not a good quality of life for Sunny. I wrote to his oncologist this morning and tonight I called the ER. 

I spoke to the ER tech. She was lovely and says the one who ultimately makes this decision is me! I will see how tonight goes. I lifted Sunny outside (thankfully I have all his harnesses from when he had orthopedic surgery), we walked the front yard, he urinated, did some sniffing, and then we went inside. Sunny is disoriented, shaky, and unsteady on his feet. Currently as I write this, Sunny drank some water, and insisted on sitting outside on our deck. I had a large doggie heating pad on the deck, turned up high. He is sitting on it and covered in a blanket. This is his happy place, being outside and with the fresh breezes. I want him to have these happy moments tonight!

Losing a pet is yet another trauma. But for me Sunny symbolizes so so much. He came into our lives in 2016, and he filled our home with love, loyalty, fun, and life. Technically we rescued him, but he truly rescued me. He has been my companion for 7 years and like the cat bonded with Peter, Sunny bonded with me. In fact, whenever I used to fly or have any other unpleasant experience to get through, what I would close my eyes and envision was Sunny's big beautiful eyes. Those eyes are permanently etched into my mind and heart. If you can't tell, I LOVE Sunny.