Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2004. Mattie was a year and half old. One of the things Mattie loved to do was play with his videos. He would take them out of the cabinet, stack them, and create structures. These video cassettes were like building blocks and toys! Playing with these videos and their boxes were something Mattie did often as he was fascinated at an early age by how things worked and went together. Ironically my brain works very differently from Mattie's, which is why I always say, he was one of my greatest teachers. He taught me so many things beyond my comfort or interest level!
Quote of the day: Let winter come and live fully inside you, so that you can retrace the loving path of heartbreak that brought you here. ~ David Whyte
I gave Sunny some porch time last night. On the porch, is a big doggie heating pad on the floor, with lots of blankets. At one point, I looked outside and he wasn't on the porch anymore! I panicked. I went looking for him and somehow he managed to get down the stairs and was sitting in the grass, eagerly scanning for foxes. The instinct remains despite the fact that the body is giving out.
I took a photo of Sunny in our kitchen at bedtime. I got out several of Mattie's fleecy blankets and Sunny is loving them. I sat on the floor for 45 minutes and rubbed his head, ears, and back. This calmed Sunny down significantly. His face is precious to me and no matter how awful he feels, he still responds to me.
I took him out to the backyard this afternoon and gave him an hour of freedom. But as it got darker and colder, I picked him up and brought him inside.
This morning, Blanca came over to help me clean the house. She has been a part of our life since 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. My neighbor paid for her to clean our townhouse, while we were at the hospital. I truly needed her help back then because I was living in chaos. Unfortunately chaos seems to follow me.
I have tried to listen, take an interest in her family, and help Blanca emotionally over the years. She is astute enough to know that I face one of the hardest times in my life. She wanted me to know today that she thinks I am a very special person. She basically told me that she hasn't met many people like me in her life and she said what I am doing for my parents, most people just won't do. She feels that God is looking over me and trusting in him, is all I can do right now. She wanted me to know that I am never alone, when I have faith. She and I are both Roman Catholics and what this difficult time reminds me is that I am a person of great faith and she and I speak the same language. Of course once Mattie was diagnosed with cancer and then died, my issues with God were understandable. But like I always say, God is strong and can handle whatever we dish out. All this is to say, I always find it amazing when I hear those who I think don't know me well, share insights about me. Blanca is correct, I try to live my life in a manner in which I would want to be treated and have devoted my life to caring for others and supporting them in their life's journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment