Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day we were in the outpatient clinic, waiting for Mattie to receive his experimental treatment infusion. However, Mattie requested a BIG pretzel! Truly this request was out of left field, as this was not something Mattie ever wanted before. But that day, he was fixated on a pretzel! Of course I couldn't leave the hospital to find such a treat, so I contacted Team Mattie. As you can see, within a few hours, viola.... there was a pretzel!
Quote of the day: After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment. ~ Judith Lewis Herman
Tonight's quote is spot on! Once you have experienced a trauma, it is NOT something you ever get over. It gets incorporated into your DNA. In fact, when you perceive a future treat of any kind, I would say the body kicks it into gear, because it has been programmed to be alert, identify, and respond to threats. The body, mind, and spirit in a way have mastered the mechanics of facing threats and therefore it is easy to jump right back into that heightened state of existence at any time.
I have recently learned of a friend's cancer diagnosis. If you mention cancer to me, I immediately jump into action. As if I have been programmed to know how to react. First off, I know that as much information about my friend's case needs to be obtained, compiled, and understood before meeting with any doctor. If you think you are going to meet an oncologist and be able to process all that needs to be conveyed, that would be very wrong. They don't have the time, and second of which, the patient and family learn that communications between themselves and doctors is DIFFERENT! Why? Because our health care system talks in medicalese! MEDICAL JARGON! This is the language of medicine that is feely thrown around (terms, verbiage, treatments, acronyms, etc), as if the average person is well versed in it and can easily follow along. WRONG! Especially when under great stress and duress, a lot isn't absorbed or comprehended. Which is why I helped today compile data and make sense of it.
I came to my own conclusions, but naturally I am not a medical doctor. So what did I do? I reached out to Mattie's oncologist. Within minutes, she responded and later today we had a conversation after she consulted with several specialists on the type of cancer in question. THIS IS WHAT MATTIE HAS DONE, THIS IS HIS LEGACY. Through Mattie's cancer journey, I got educated and made long-term connections with amazing people. I became an even fiercer advocate and I learned how to maneuver in our complex medical system. I told Mattie's oncologist that I wasn't sure if I was reading reports correctly and whether my conclusions were correct. Want to know what she said to me? She said, "Vicki you are a bright woman and YES you are absolutely correct on your interpretation of the data." I view this as a very high compliment coming from the source.
Needless to say, I maybe inundated with caregiving and my own issues, but I am making time for this major issue. I will be joining medical phone calls and trying to assist and lend support. While most people wouldn't feel comfortable intervening and participating, this is very NORMAL for me!
Later today, I took my parents out to our local diner. We go there every Saturday. Because of what I was juggling today, we got there a little later than usual. When we arrived both the management and the servers came over to greet us! They were all worried about us, because we were LATE. So much so, that now Jason, our server, has my cell phone number. When people show such kindness and concern, I find it deeply moving and touching.
When we came out of the diner this evening, a couple noticed me with my parents. They came running over to help me with my dad. They viewed him as a fall risk. What they quickly learned is that I do not only manage my dad, I manage my mom AT THE SAME TIME. They literally looked at me, with the look of..............HOW DO YOU DO THIS? Truly I don't know, I just do!
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