Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. We spent that Christmas in Los Angeles with my parents. In my parent's backyard were wonderful lemon, orange, and grapefruit trees. As you can see, Mattie loved picking and sorting fruit in a basket. It was the real life tasks that Mattie always found engaging. 


Quote of the day: Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values. ~ Thomas S. Monson


Peter and I flew to Ft. Lauderdale today. I am happy to say that the flight was uneventful and we arrived around 1. At which point, we headed to pick up the rental car so we could drive to Miami to pick my parents up at the airport. It seems to me in the last three days, we have spent a lot of time in a car. The rental agency was a show, and NOT a good one. I have never seen a rental lot with FEW to NO cars in it. Yet there were lines of people who had pre-ordered cars and were very disgruntled. By the time we got to Hertz, we could see very upset customers. One family started talking with me, and explained (like us) they had ordered a car months ago, and yet here they were waiting, with no end or options in sight. Since Peter and I had to drive to Miami to pick up my parents, we were motivated to work the problem. Peter literally went around the rental agency's parking lot to assess what cars were available. He then reported back to me that there were cars outside the parameter but it was unclear who the cars were being held for. So at that point, I demanded to speak to a manager, I knew dealing with the attendants on the lot was a waste of time because they weren't the decision makers. I found the manager, Peter pointed out the type of car we pre-arranged and needless to say the manager complied. People who were waiting in line for a hour wanted to know my secret. So I explained to them what they had to do and who they had to interface with. Moral of the story is ALWAYS, ALWAYS ask to speak directly to a manager, regardless of the situation or problem. In every context possible, I have found this to be most effective. 

This was the sight we saw entering into Ft. Lauderdale. To most people this is an annoyance..... a draw bridge going up. But to me, it reminds me of Mattie. Mattie LOVED watching the draw bridges rise and fall when he visited Ft. Lauderdale. This sight always animated him! We would literally walk onto the bridge (on the passenger walkway), and observe the mechanics and of course the boat that sailed through underneath the bridge. 

It was an official Mattie greeting into Ft. Lauderdale. 

While waiting on the bridge, we saw the Coral Princess sailing away from the port and heading out to sea. 

This photo definitely proves we are not in DC anymore. The palm trees of Florida symbolize being away in a more tropical location. It is very special to see sunshine, to feel 80 degree temperatures and everything green. When you see this, you have to ask yourself..... why experience winter? Maybe if I loved cold weather I wouldn't even be asking such a question. But given I am a summer person, I would be very happy with Florida's year round temperatures. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Tuesday, December 27, 2016 -- Mattie died 380 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. This was Mattie's second airline flight across the Country. This photo features Mattie going to Los Angeles for Christmas. As you can see Mattie was FULL of energy aboard the flight. Some kids nap when flying. NOT Mattie. He was on and playing for five hours straight. I remember coming aboard every plane trip with ALL sorts of toys, books, games, and puzzles. Needless to say we were intriguing to the other children flying with us. 



Quote of the day: Christmas is a time in which, of all times in the year, the memory of every remediable sorrow, wrong, and trouble in the world around us, should be active with us, not less than our own experiences, for all good. ~ Charles Dickens


It was our first full day back in DC and we hit the ground running this morning. Both Sunny and Indie had to be boarded as we head to Florida on Wednesday morning. This is our first time boarding Sunny for a week with a non-friend. Sunny won't be in a kennel but he is staying in a home of a woman named Rose. We were introduced to Rose by a fellow friend. Rose rescues collies and has helped a countless number of families in our area with collie adoption. Ironically I wanted a collie and applied all over our region for a collie starting in February of 2016. But was turned down by many of these agencies because they felt I lived in the city, and not having a private backyard would be limiting for a dog. It is too bad I wasn't connected with Rose before I adopted Sunny, because there are many collies that do need a great home. She practically sends me photos of a collie up for adoption monthly! Yet, I think Sunny was meant to be a part of our lives and I am thankful that City Dogs Rescue has no problem adopting dogs out to people living in Washington, DC. 

We introduced Sunny to Rose about a month ago, to see if she would be a good sitter for Sunny. Rose has two collies of her own that live at home. Sunny got along splendidly with both boys. Rose also has a large securely fenced in backyard. When we visited we watched Sunny play off leash with Rose's dogs, and he absolutely LOVED it. In fact we saw a whole other side of Sunny while visiting. He was running around, jumping, and very playful. Not the sedate boy we typically see. Though I wasn't in the car today, Peter tells me that when he went to drop Sunny off at Rose's, that Sunny immediately recognized her neighborhood and home. Isn't that amazing? Mind you Rose doesn't live around the corner. She lives over the Bay Bridge and it takes 75 minutes to get to her. He is quite a pooch and our home definitely seems quiet tonight without his presence! Same for Indie. Indie has also been boarded. She is at our vet, as I can't find friends who like to cat sit. I never knew that dog sitters would be easier to come by! That surprises me, since cats are much easier to care for. Any case, I remind myself that Patches was boarded at our vet for over a year while Mattie was battling cancer. So I know Indie will be fine.

The next time you hear from Peter and me, we will hopefully be safely in Florida. 

Monday, December 26, 2016

Monday, December 26, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. This was Mattie's first Christmas and clearly he was too young to understand the nature of the holiday. Nonetheless, I had him pose in front of the Christmas tree. Mattie loved seeing photos of himself as he got older. He enjoyed seeing how much he had grown and changed from year to year. Mattie always inspired us to decorate for Christmas and we thought we would have a lifetime of traditions together. When I look back at these photos, it truly seems like another lifetime ago. Or perhaps someone else's life. 



Quote of the day: Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'. ~  Bing Crosby

Peter and I left Boston this morning at 8:30am. We did not arrive back home in DC until after 6pm. A nine hour commute. We hit traffic like this in ALMOST every state we traversed. Needless to say we are exhausted. Yet we came home, got Sunny and Indie settled, unpacked, and am doing multiple loads of laundry. We head to board the animals tomorrow as we fly to Florida on Wednesday to meet up with my parents. I feel like I am on an episode of I Love Lucy, because this is a zany schedule, and I was tired before leaving town. 

As we pulled into Baltimore, I saw a Carnival Cruise ship in the harbor. It is hard to distinguish it because we were moving along the highway. But that bright structure in the right of the photo is the ship!

It is in the 40's here in DC, and I can't believe I am saying this, but in comparison to Boston which was in the teens and twenties earlier today, this feels like a heat wave!

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken on Christmas of 2008. This was Mattie's last Christmas with us. He was home between treatments and was absolutely miserable. He was dealing with bone pain, great physical disabilities, and on top of all of that was developing clinical depression and medical traumatic stress. Despite my numerous conversations with his doctors, all of them believed Mattie's issues were physical (e.g., a reaction to the pain meds he was taking was one explanation I was given) rather than psychological. Post-Christmas when Mattie had a full blown meltdown in the clinic,  his doctors finally understand what Peter and I were coping with at home. Mattie acted like a soldier who had just come back from a war. He wanted to be around NO NOISE, did not want us touching him for the most part, had terrible nightmares that woke all of us up, and was easily agitated and anxious. Though this photo may portray a happy moment, I assure you it was fleeting. Mattie was very unhappy and depressed throughout Christmas. Which was why Peter put on these funny noses and hats to try to distract Mattie and redirect his mood. It worked for a couple of minutes. But it was a Christmas that I will never forget and frankly it clouds any of our Christmases to come. 



Quote of the day: Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~  Peg Bracken

Let me put Christmas into context. Peter and I celebrated 7 Christmases with Mattie. As of today, we have had to acknowledge 8 Christmases without Mattie. This is a reality that may not sound significant to our readers, but to a parent who lost a child, these numbers are devastating. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but in fact can make them more challenging to deal with, because as time goes on, I struggle to remember my life with Mattie. I struggle to remember subtleties about him, something a parent wouldn't have the opportunity to do with a child who is physically present. 

Yet how do you celebrate Christmas when you lost your only child? I may look like I am present and in the moment, but there are many aspects that I truly don't enjoy anymore. Such as family gatherings at holidays, watching children of all ages opening gifts and the list goes on. It is a constant battle within to live in the real world with others all around me who do not understand these feelings. Where I find the inner strength and maturity to hear about other children, to watch them celebrate, knowing that I do not get any of these opportunities with Mattie is beyond me. In some of these moments I want to explode, but my self control is excellent because the feelings only smolder inside. 


This is a photo of Sunny I took this morning with his Christmas scarf on!

 The three of us.

Our nephew Will with Sunny. Will loves dogs and these two had a good time together today. 

Peter's family at Christmas. From left to right:

Will (our nephew -- only about 15 months older than Mattie), Nat (our nephew), Chris (Peter's brother), Don (Peter's dad), Barbara (Peter's mom), Lisa (my sister in law), me, and Sydney (our niece). 

Last night while driving around we came across two houses light up for Christmas in a significant way. The two houses were next door neighbors and between the two of them the street lit up like a Christmas tree. Can you see the hot air balloons Christmas light displays?

The house above is located right next to this house. I personally preferred this one, but I must admit from a WOW standpoint the house above was noteworthy!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Saturday, December 25, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2007. When I compare the Christmas photos throughout the years, I can immediate see how Mattie matured with each year. By the time Mattie was five years old (in this photo), he understood the point of looking at the camera and smiling. It made taking a Christmas photo for our holiday cards much easier, in comparison to the dancing and jumping around we had to do to engage Mattie's attention when he was a baby and toddler. Mattie loved having a real Christmas tree in our living room, and though he appreciated seeing his hand made ornaments on the tree, what he especially loved was putting his Christmas train around the tree. 



Quote of the day: Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. ~  Calvin Coolidge

The Christmas Animals!!!

This was the sight on our bed this morning. Both Indie and Sunny took it over!!! It was that kind of day as it was pouring, damp, and cold outside. These two had the right idea!!! STAY IN BED. 

If I had any doubt whether Indie and Sunny would be friends, this photo confirms it. They not only tolerate each other, but they share space, sniff each other, and I know Sunny gets concerned if he feels something isn't right with Indie!


Despite the rain, we took Sunny out for a three mile walk. It wasn't a pleasant walk for us, but Sunny loved it. He was out and about with his red raincoat, and seemed to love all the puddles, the mud, and checking out new terrain. The beauty of having Sunny is he forces me up and out on even the worst of days. Holidays are not happy times for us, and to me Christmas is for children. So when your child has been taken from you, in a way you feel devoid of holidays and celebrations. Since nothing keeps you better oriented to time and space than watching a child grow and mature. 

Friday, December 23, 2016

Friday, December 23, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2006. Mattie was four years old and very excited about his Santa train that he assembled around the tree. Mattie loved this battery powered train, which literally rode around the tree and puffed out billows of steam from its stack! This train became a very important tradition for Mattie. It was something he particularly loved about decorating for Christmas, since this train only came out during that time. This photo was featured on the cover of our 2006 Christmas card. 


Quote of the day: Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone. ~  Charles M. Schulz

Our friend Margy went to visit Mattie's memorial tree today on his school's campus. This is not something we asked Margy to do, she just does it on of her own accord. On special occasions and holidays, Margy visits the tree with her husband and they add an ornament to the tree. Margy's ornaments are always very thoughtfully selected and it means a lot to us that someone other than Peter and me visits Mattie's tree. 

A close up of the jingle bell ornament added today. Mattie would have approved of this ornament, since Mattie loved anything that made a noise and was musical! 

Peter and I went to the Museum of fine Arts in Boston today with Peter's parents. I snapped this charming photo in the museum's rotunda. The tree was decorated all in white and it was very elegant and magical looking. 

I photographed Peter in front of this Lime Green Icicle Tower by Dale Chihuly. The tower is 42 feet tall! It is made of glass and steel and when the sun shines inside the building, it catches this green glass and it glows. 

We went to see an exhibit today highlighting the works of William Merritt Chase (1849–1916). Chase was a brilliant observer, an innovative painter, and a leader in international art circles at the turn of the last century. This exhibit features an important and overlooked master, praised for his artistic skill in both oil and pastel, as well as for the variety of his subjects: sympathetic images of women, jewel-like landscapes, views of urban parks, and scenes of children at play. Around 80 of the painter’s finest works in both oil and pastel are on display, drawn from public and private collections across the US. Outside of the exhibit is this wonderful backdrop featuring a Chase painting, in which you can sit within the piece and have a photo taken! I think this is a very clever photo opportunity. 

You may have heard of Charles Sheeler, Georgia O’Keeffe, Marsden Hartley, and Edward Hopper, but what you might not know is that all of them were, in a way, classmates. They, along with other leading American modernists, shared a teacher—William Merritt Chase.

Often overshadowed by his contemporaries (such as John Singer Sargent and James McNeill Whistler, for instance), Chase was a pioneer who left enormous, enduring ripples in the fabric of American art history as a revered Impressionist painter, a leader in reviving pastels in the 19th century, and a devoted teacher.

The exhibition is organized thematically, with the layout a testament to Chase’s expansive experimentation in subject: Galleries range from “Art in the Open Air” (landscapes) and “Life in the Studio” (interiors) to “Posing and Composing” (portraits) and “Chase and Japonisme” (incorporation of Japanese influences).


It is quite amazing that I have never heard of William Chase, especially given that I love impressionist painters. But what is noteworthy is that Chase made his livelihood by teaching.He trained hundreds of other well known artists and is best credited for helping other artists find their own artist voice. I will share several paintings below that caught my attention. But in all reality there wasn't one painting he created that I didn't like. Whether it was portraits or landscapes, I loved them all. He had a way of drawing his viewer in. His use of colors, his intrigue for family life and his propensity to paint women as strong and independent individuals were all noteworthy. 

This painting is entitled, Portrait. He painted an unknown subject (which was unusual to Chase, since he primarily sought inspiration from his wife and five daughters) and submitted it to an avant garde exhibition in Belgium in 1884. The harmonies of red and the mood of the girl's "studied weariness" were much admired. 

The next three paintings caught my attention because he captured the interior of his art studio. Something he took great pride in since he considered himself a collector of fine objects from all of the world, and his studio was designed to impress whom ever entered it. 

Another glimpse of Chase's studio. Filled with antiques, colors, and art from around the world. 

Title: The Tenth Street Studio.

The first owner of this painting was a St. Louis businessman who helped finance Chase's art education in Europe. 

This painting intrigues the viewer to delve into the conversation between the woman in white and most likely Chase on the right. But Chase encourages story telling and left the narrative up to the viewer's imagination.

This is a painting of Alice Chase. Chase's wife, who was the primary subject in most of his paintings. I honestly can't imagine what life must have been like for Alice and her 5 daughters. Chase used all of them as subject matters in his paintings and remember his studio was at home. Home and work for him was very fluid, or porous, as the museum describes it. All of this sounds lovely, but to me it also had to be very difficult for his family to live a normal life without being forced to stop and pose for hours. 

This painting is entitled, Tired. It features his oldest daughter "Cosy." Literally the description says Cosy had been posing for hours for another piece. However, in between posing, she had times where she could rest. This painting captures those tired and resting moments. 

This piece is entitled, Venice. As Chase said to a student, "I am perfectly delighted with Venice. It is the most artistic place that I ever was in." 

This painting is entitled, A Summer Afternoon in Holland. The funny part about this was Chase nicknamed the painting, The Tiff. Implying that the atmosphere was perhaps less relaxing than it may first appear!!! Notice the man at the table and a woman in the hammock. At first we may think they are relaxing together outside, however, Chase reveals in his nickname for the painting that not everything is what it appears to be. 

This painting is entitled, Study of a Young Girl on an Ocean Steamer. What I loved about it is I can relate to the subject matter centuries later. The girl is sea sick, isn't feeling good, and clings to an orange in hopes of stabilizing her stomach. 

This painting is entitled, The Open Air Breakfast. It was painted in the Chase's family backyard in Brooklyn, NY, and the subject matter is "modern suburban leisure." It features Alice his wife, his oldest daughter Cosy, his sister Hattie holding a racket and Alice's sister Virginia, lying in a hammock. 

This painting is entitled, Portrait of a Lady in Pink. It features a woman named Mariette, who happened to be one of his students. This painting was considered a "tour-de-force" of the brush because of the exquisite detail and texture of her dress, the ostrich plumbed fan and the transparent chiffon of her skirt. 

This painting is entitled, At the Seaside. Educators in the late 1800's recommended that all children play freely outdoors to promote their mental and spiritual development as well as their physical growth. 

While Chase's children were playing on the beach, he was busy capturing that moment on canvas.

This painting was a Self-Portrait in the 4th Avenue Studio. This was one of Chase's last masterpieces before dying. When his patron asked him why the painting within the painting was left blank, he replied, "It is my masterpiece, the alluring, tantalizing, great picture I always hoped to paint."

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2005. Mattie was three years old and we decided to take a photo outside one of Mattie's favorite restaurants in Maryland. This particular restaurant has a pond in front of it and Mattie just loved that pond during ALL seasons. This photo was featured on the front of our 2005 Christmas card!


Quote of the day: And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more? ~ Dr. Seuss

Last night I planned a family birthday gathering for my mother-in-law at a restaurant called Strega Waterfront. I haven't lived in Boston in almost two decades so I truly did not know where to go for a special dinner. So what I did was I reached out to my friend Colleen who lives in Sudbury, MA. Colleen and I went to graduate school together and we both like food and experiencing fine restaurants. So I knew she would know where I should go. Colleen gave me a list of ten restaurants to choose from and Peter and I selected Strega because of the menu and atmosphere. It is on the water, and I truly I would need to go back there in the summer time to see the water. In the winter everything is dark and it was impossible to know that the water was outside the windows. 

The restaurant was lovely to work with as they helped me arrange flowers and a birthday cake. Given that it is freezing and winter time, the flowers seemed almost tropical as there were lilies, orchids, and roses combined. 

Frankly I think everyone was surprised by this beautiful chocolate birthday cake. Since I did not alert anyone that it was coming. The cake was unbelievably light given that it was all chocolate. As you can see my mother-in-law, Barbara, was surrounded by her three grandchildren. I purposefully took that photo, because I think photos are important and milestone moments should be captured. Not everyone shares my perspective, but I have learned the hard way the importance of photos. In any case, while taking this photo what became abundantly evident to me was that Mattie was very much missing. 

Meanwhile this was the sight out the window this morning. We got a dusting of snow. The funny part is that in DC this snow would have paralyzed the city. In Boston, people went right on with their daily schedules! Roads were packed with cars and people were out and about. 

This afternoon we took Sunny for a walk in the woods. The woods surround a beautiful pond. I am not standing on the pond, but instead a run off area that overflowed from the pond. Sunny and I walked on it and Peter snapped a photo. On the bigger pond, people were ice skating and dogs were following their owners. It was an incredibly peaceful sight and knowing that the pond is only 5 feet deep gives me more peace of mind, because to me pond skating is dangerous. 

This afternoon, Peter and I met up with my friend Jen. Jen and I met at Boston College, we went to graduate school together. Jen was my first friend I made at Boston College, she was in my wedding party, and we have remained friends all these years. The funny part is she just bought a house across the street from Peter's parents. A rather small world, no? In any case, we met at a restaurant today and had a chance to catch back up!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004, and it was featured on the front cover of our Christmas card. Mattie was two and a half years old here and by that point in time, he understood the nature of Christmas and I could rationalize with him about posing under the tree for a photo. To me there was something angelic about Mattie's facial expression here!


Quote of the day: Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most. ~ Ruth Carter Stapleton


My mother in law celebrated a milestone birthday today. One of her friends gave her four tickets to an exhibit at the Peabody Essex Museum (PEM) as a gift. The exhibit was entitled, Shoes: Pleasure and Pain. It is a great title, because most women will get it immediately! There are times we want to put our feet in beautiful and attractive shoes, yet that usually means the shoe isn't comfortable and we will experience the PAIN that comes along with the PLEASURE of dressing up! In any case, this exhibit was right up my alley, since I LOVE shoes and have plenty in my own closet.

This "Red Stilleto" car art greets all visitors into the museum. This is a REAL car and a man designed it for his girlfriend! 

The exhibit, Shoes: Pleasure and Pain, was organized by the Victoria and Albert Museum, London and explores the creative potential, cultural significance and transformative power of footwear through more than 300 pairs, ranging from elaborate vintage designs to cutting-edge contemporary works by Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choo and Prada. 

Examples from famed shoe collectors are shown alongside a dazzling range of works from PEM’s shoe collection, the largest of its kind in the country, many of which have never been displayed before. Shoes: Pleasure and Pain offers a global perspective on footwear fashion and tracks the latest developments in technology that open the possibility of ever higher heels and more dramatic shapes.

Coordinating curator for the exhibit said, “The shoes that we choose for walking are not just about protecting our feet. They project our mood, our identity and our place in the world. By altering stature, posture and gait, shoes signal to the world how you feel about yourself and want to be perceived by others.”

These "parakeet" shoes were one of my favorites!

The exhibition is organized by the themes – Transformation, Status, Seduction, Creation and Obsession – and features shoes worn by high profile figures such as David Beckham, Elton John, Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria, Kylie Minogue and Daphne Guinness, as well as the now infamous blue platforms worn by Naomi Campbell (these blue ones) during her runway fall in 1993. Works from the V&A’s superlative shoe collection are complemented by 110 pairs from PEM’s collection, including historic shoes that pay tribute to New England as a meaningful center for shoe manufacture and design. The curator said, "Shoes are about the personal creativity of the designer and the person who wears that shoe. It's a partnership between two people who likely never meet. You can make something wonderful, but if someone doesn't respond to it, there is something incomplete about the act." 

Creation is about communication. "Fashion often conjures thoughts of creativity in our own life and can serve as a conversation-starter about personal style. In the Status section of the exhibition, you can't help but examine the role of power and shoes, what someone feels and becomes when they put on a pair of tall boots or a high heel.

Shoe boxes were used very creatively throughout the exhibit! These boxes are arranged to look like a giant shoe!

How about these heels! Some are made out of porcelain, to look like Wedgwood!

These festive shoes were another favorite of mine. 

In 2014, Mattie Miracle received the special Flame of Hope award from Georgetown University Hospital at a black tie gala. Because of the nature of the occasion, I bought a special dress and shoes. The shoes I bought looked like this.... silver and designed by Jimmy Choo. Choo was featured in today's exhibit and I took notice when the exhibit signage said women seek out Choo's shoes and everyone wants to own a pair. The irony is when I went shopping I had no idea who Jimmy Choo was, I just felt the shoes were magical. Clearly you can see the pleasure and the pain of wearing these shoes, can't you??!!