Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken on April 4th of 2009, right after Mattie's 7th birthday party at the Hospital. Two of Mattie's friends, Charlotte and Abbie, stayed after the party and came back to Mattie's PICU room with him. It is interesting to me, that the girls were in the moment of the celebration and were engaged with all the balloons, that they did not seem to mind that they were sitting on a hospital bed. It is also quite possible that over time these girls just got used to these surroundings, since they visited Mattie often. It was always heartbreaking to see friends of Mattie's walk into his room, and be scared out of their minds by all the sights and sounds. Visiting a PICU is not for the meek but I am happy that those who could tolerate it, visited and played with Mattie. Entertaining a child who is hospitalized long-term is very challenging, after a while the child's parent becomes boring and other stimulation is very needed. Stimulation like you see in tonight's picture will never be forgotten.


A TRIBUTE  by Nancy Heller Moskowitz

Butterflies are free,
But, we are not when we are grieving.
Our emotions and senses are tainted.
Our hearts broken, slow, if ever to repair.

Friendships are strained,
Only the strong remain, as others return to their own lives.
Tuesday, once another day in the week,
Becomes a marker.

Your body, challenged by physical ailments,
Weakened, so that some days are struggles.
Now, a new message enters.
FORGIVENESS!

This isn't easy to accomplish, forgiving oneself for letting go.
You gave all you could and more.
Mattie forgives as you find;
A penny on the ground,
A butterfly fluttering around you, seemingly, out of the blue,
A picture showing a beautiful face.
Simple treasures that never replace,
However, signs that signal he is forever your child.


I received the poem entitled, "A Tribute" from my friend and colleague Nancy. Nancy actually sent me this poem yesterday to acknowledge the 159th week that Mattie has been gone from our lives. Nancy told me that my blog postings over the last week touched her mind and heart, and as such she was inspired to share her gift of poetry with me. Nancy's tribute captures so many of the feelings and thoughts I have been expressing on the blog. I certainly wasn't expecting to receive this meaningful and thoughtful gift, but it did bring a smile to my face. There is something to be said for spontaneous and unexpected gifts, as if they in some way signify that you were really thought about for no particular reason, other than for being who you are. Needless to say, I hope this poem resonates with you too.

I was very focused on Foundation items today and spent the majority of the day by the computer. Which is a mixed blessing, especially when experiencing intense headaches. One of the many things I suffer from is daily chronic headaches and migraines. Apparently I am one of the lucky 2% of the population who has daily headaches, headaches which research indicates have NO known effective treatment. Most days I just work through the pain, after all I have had 10 years of great practice. But this week, the pain is intense. So intense that it is sometimes hard to sleep. I imagine the stress of September for me gets internalized and goes somewhere, and one of my trigger spots is my head. So with that said, I am signing off for tonight in hopes of getting away from the computer screen. As always, thank you for visiting the blog and checking in with us.