Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday, July 22, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008, about two weeks before Mattie's cancer diagnosis. Peter and I took Mattie to Roosevelt Island that weekend and as you can see he wanted to walk ahead of us and explore. Notice carefully that in Mattie's right hand was a stick. A tell tale sign you were walking with Mattie. Mattie always found a stick on every one of his walks and usually came home with it as well! I reflect on this photo because it seemed to capture such a peaceful and innocent time with no indication at all that within a matter of days our lives would be permanently altered.



Quote of the day: Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change - as anyone would change. ~ Mindy Kaling


Five years ago today, we were still living in the land of the innocent, the naïve, and the lucky. Peter and I experienced the usual stresses, just like everyone else and we worried about the things that parents of typically developing children face. I remember back then my biggest concerns were how was I going to teach Mattie to ride a two wheel bicycle, would I be able to teach him to read, understand math, make friends, etc. I did not realize how lucky I was to have those every day and NORMAL concerns!!! I took them for granted.

I may always be saddened when July 23 approaches! As if the sadness is hard wired within me. In fact, it isn't like I go to the calendar and say.... okay it is July, so now I have to be sad. I just hits me and when I am perplexed by this, I have those around me who remind me that the sadness makes sense to them given the anniversary of Mattie's diagnosis day. 

On July 23, 2008, Mattie was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. A day I will never forget. The old saying, "what a difference a day makes" couldn't be more true when contending with a cancer diagnosis. On July 22, the future seemed possible and typical everyday stresses now seem like gifts. What do I mean? When I hear moms complain about carpools, fixing lunches, homework, school events and commitments, and the list goes on, I want to stop and let them know that the alternative to their complaints isn't good. I know full well what I am talking about because I live the alternative 356 days a year, 24 by 7.

Today was a full day of chores and Foundation work. I am trying to wrap some things up so that we can leave town on Wednesday. But today seemed non- stop. In the midst of running around, the highlight of my day was seeing my friend Tina. It wasn't a planned visit, which may actually be the best kind. Just a spur of the moment visit to say hello. Before I met Tina, I made the unfortunate decision to sit outside while on an hour long Foundation conference call. While sitting outside, I was attacked by mosquitoes. So by the time I got to Tina, I was itching all over. Thankfully Tina had an arsenal of supplies at her house to help me. Now I can say I am feeling much better thanks to my friend who came to my rescue!