Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Before Mattie was born, Peter and I used to decorate our home for Christmas both inside and outside. I am not sure why we did this since we were rarely home for the holidays. We usually were traveling to see family which is sadly why Peter and I really do not have our own Christmas traditions. Nonetheless, I love antique Christmas ornaments. Not the ornaments you get in Target or most stores. I would literally go to antique shops and buy ornaments over the years. So really we have many vintage ornaments which are beautiful. When Mattie came into our lives, he enjoyed our ornaments as well (and though I loved my ornaments, that did not prevent me from having Mattie touch them and play with them, and YES several broke!). However, Mattie added a wonderful dimension to our tree with his many hand crafted ornaments which provided a sweet and childlike feeling to our tree. The last time we had a Christmas tree in our home was 2007. Tonight's photo was featured on the cover of our Christmas 2004 card!
Quote of the day: We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ~ Albert Einstein
I started the day by decorating my parent's house for Christmas. There is no way I would do this in my own home, but it seems more manageable here. As I sit here tonight writing the blog, I can see Christmas lights on the tree and the boughs on the banister. It is very peaceful to look at and now I can relate to why Peter and Mattie always loved putting up lights together. As I was stringing lights today, I thought of both of them.
This afternoon I went to visit two friends of my parents. Though they haven't seen me in years, they are both contributors to Mattie Miracle. Our Foundation has support from wonderful individuals all over the Country. My visit was to drop off a tray of cookies that I baked yesterday. Needless to say the cookies were a hit and it is nice to know that I shared them with a fellow sweet tooth!
Peter and I text messaged back and forth today and despite being on opposite coasts we keep very connected. Also another by-product of losing Mattie. Any case Peter wanted me to see something posted on Facebook, but I was in the car and unable to view it. But the conversation became absolutely hysterical. Because Peter has had it with my Blackberry loyalty and made it clear that if I had an iphone I would easily be able to access the Foundation's Facebook page. I am not doing his humor justice. But basically Peter is giving me a countdown to the new year in which he will be tossing the Blackberry and bringing me into the 21st century. Needless to say these kind of changes do not go over well with me. I associate my Blackberry with the time period Mattie was battling cancer. In fact, I got my first Blackberry around the time of Mattie's diagnosis and in so many ways I couldn't have managed his care without it. It became my security blanket and to this day my Blackberry goes everywhere with me! I mean everywhere and it sits on my bed stand at night. So parting with this device seems symbolic for me, saying goodbye to another item or remembrance from when Mattie was alive. I am sure that sounds ridiculous, after all this is ONLY a phone. But I have found after such a traumatic loss, things have become my lifesaver and also enable me to feel closer to the Mattie in some way.
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