Friday, October 5, 2018

Friday, October 5, 2018

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2005. In my opinion this was classic Mattie. Don't ask me why, but Mattie loved to paint with his feet and hands. So I would transform our living room floor into an art's center. I taped down paper to the floor and Mattie went to town creating. We actually made the cover of several greeting cards this way. Now you would think after Mattie finished creating, that he would then be running all over our home with his painted feet! However, Mattie had an innate sense about him to keep things clean. Literally he would wait for me to carry him to the kitchen sink to wash his feet and wouldn't step off the paper until I was ready. 


Quote of the day: Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving. ~ Gail Tsukiyama


I was in the grocery store today, minding my own business. While at the check out counter, I could hear a dialogue between a woman and a store clerk at the cash register behind me. I wasn't purposefully listening, they were just talking loudly. So I couldn't help but overhear. The customer was buying wine. So the sales clerk asked to see this woman's ID. That sent the customer into a fit of chatter. She told the store clerk that she was flattered because she was 35 years old. The banter did not stop there, as the female clerk proceeded to tell the customer how young she looked. Which of course caused MORE gushing from her. This dialogue was noteworthy for this alone, but then it got better. 

The customer proceeded to tell the store clerk that she was a mother of three small children. She went on to say that she is strung out and is surprised to get a comment about how good she looks, considering how she felt. She then specifically said... 'I love my children but they drive me crazy!' Honestly this woman was lucky I was in my happy place at the moment, because on a bad day, it is plausible that I would have turned around and given her a reality check. While she is moaning about being tired raising three healthy children, there are countless women in a hospital around the country caring for a seriously ill child. A child who may not make it like Mattie. I am not sure she even gave thought to how her gushing comments could be perceived by others. Others who may not have children anymore. 

I do remember the days of raising a healthy child. Yes they may have been a long time ago, but I do recall the stresses associated with 24/7 child rearing. Motherhood is not for the meek by any stretch of the imagination. When I was raising Mattie (pre-cancer), I am sure there were times, I could have sounded like this mom (though I would never of had this conversation with a stranger!!). Now unfortunately I have lived on the other side of this equation and admit to being overly sensitive as it relates to moms and children. 

In a way, today's conversation brought me right back to the first few months after Mattie died. Going to the grocery store was painful, as I couldn't look at some aisles or the toy machines without thinking of Mattie. I even recall sales clerks asking me about my 'children,' while they were ringing up my items. I imagine they did this since I had a visible photo of Mattie in my wallet. Back then I honestly did not know how to answer their probing questions. Some days I said nothing and other days I let people have it. Yet now 9 years later, I would say I have better control over my anger, BUT........ there are times it does come flying out and when it does people definitely do not know how to handle me.