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Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2005. Mattie was three years old. This was not an unusual occurrence in our home. Mattie LOVED painting with his feet! I don't think this would have ever interested me, but since this was something Mattie enjoyed doing, I went with it. The beauty of Mattie was he understood that this activity had to stay within a box. As I did not want paint all over the floors, furniture, and walls. This wasn't a problem for Mattie because overall I think he was like me.... we both need organization and things around us to be clean. I can't tell you how many cards and notes we made from Mattie's footprints!
Quote of the day: Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. ~ Rita Mae Brown
It was another 5:30am day for me. I have had three of them this week because of morning appointments or commitments. My 9:30am appointment today was with my primary care physician. In order to make it to the hospital in time, it required a ton of work and preparation.
I have seen this physician for at least 20 years. She is my age! As I always tell her.... we grew up together! However, in December she is retiring. My doctor never married and doesn't have children. Though she is healthy and doesn't look her age, she has decided to move to another state to live closer to friends. These friends have invited her to join them, as they age together. I can't tell you how much her story resonates with me now. I may not have gotten the full ramifications of it before, as I always thought I would age with Peter. But as this doctor knows full well, most of us need support as we get older. Very few older adults can live independently without family or outside support. So though the notion of her retiring is a huge loss to me, I am happy for her. Her mom died from breast cancer, when her mom was only 60. So I think this loss has guided her life and also her decision to travel and live in the moment.
Before my doctor came into the exam room, I had a nice chat with her nurse. Her nurse has been working with her for 15 years. I have had my moments with this nurse, but overall she is good at what she does and works very well with my doctor. I have followed this nurse's recovery from back surgery and the loss of her dad. Thankfully this nurse will remain at the practice and assist the new physician coming on board. My point to saying all of this is that whom ever I interface with and work with, I try to get to know. People are not just performing a task for me, instead, they are part of my network and world, and therefore, I take an interest in their lives.
I gave my doctor a gift today and a card. The gift was a reminder of her incredible dedication, hope, and the big difference she has made in her patients' lives. Here's a funny story. When Mattie was a preschooler, I took him with me to see my doctor. Since I had no family locally, Mattie basically came with me where ever I went. So while waiting in the doctor's waiting room, Mattie observed my doctor moving about. He asked me if the person moving about was my doctor and I told him she was. His response was.... she's pretty! I recall that story all the time to my doctor. Keep in mind that Mattie's pediatrician was older and a bit of a curmudgeon. So in comparison, my doctor was definitely a breath of fresh air!
So apparently 2023 and 2024, is all about change for me. Separation, Sunny's death, managing bills, house issues, car issues, my parent's medical care, caregiving alone, therapy, divorce, and losing my doctor. The list of losses just keep on going. When I saw tonight's quote, it seemed poignant. I would never have guessed that my long term 35 year relationship with Peter, would come down to sorting assets and be finalized in paper! I will never understand how this happened, why it happened, and better yet, I don't know how you go from being someone's everything, to a big OLD NOTHING. My love and commitment do not operate by a flip of a switch, which is why I can't fathom how anyone else's does!
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