A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



April 17, 2026

Friday, April 17, 2026

Friday, April 17, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2005. That day we took Mattie to the National Arboretum, a place we used to visit every April! Why? For many reasons, as Mattie loved nature and being outside, but also because I wanted Mattie to see the beautiful azaleas! The Arboretum has an amazing collection for as far as the eye can see. I always used to tell Mattie that the azaleas come out to celebrate his birthday! Mattie may not be alive now, but when I see an azalea..... I think of Mattie, I think of his birthday, and I think about all the times I told him that they bloom for him!



Quote of the day: If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces. ~ Shane Koyczan


I seriously can't imagine what is in store for me each day! I think if I knew.... I probably wouldn't get out of bed! This morning, I went downstairs at 6:30am to feed Indie. While looking out the window into the backyard, I saw the sprinklers running! If I have learned nothing else about grass, I have learned this from my garden guru, Steve..... you DO NOT water grass when the sun is up (the grass cells are closed when the sun is up, therefore watering the grass at that time is counterproductive, as water doesn't get absorbed into the grass cells!). You want to water grass before dawn. So in my case, Steve told me he programmed the sprinklers to go off at 2:45am! They run for about ten minutes! So why were they running at 6:30am? I naturally was confused and then panicked. But as I mentioned last night, I am grateful for various angels in my life. Steve is one of them. I literally grabbed my phone, took a photo of the sprinklers running and texted Steve at 6:45am. He got back to me immediately and I began solving the problem. I tried shutting off the programmer for the sprinklers! That accomplished nothing, so then I went to the box that holds a shut off valve for the sprinklers and turned it off! Immediately the sprinklers stopped. But what if I hadn't noticed or paid attention? I would have had a flood in the backyard and wasted a ton of water! So basically I have another problem, which will need to be corrected next week! 

At 10am, my dad's wound care nurse arrived. She assessed his stage 2 pressure sores. The treatment now involves using something called Xeroform, which is a sterile, non-adhering petrolatum dressing with 3% bismuth tribromophenate. It is designed to keep wounds moist, reducing pain and promoting healing. But the key is cutting the Xeroform to fit the size of the wound and then putting a bandage over the Xeroform. The issue with all of this is having my dad stand while I am doing this, and I assure you it is very hard doing this as one person. Due to the nature of where the sores are, it helps to have one person push back the skin and another apply the wound treatment. However, in my case, I have to figure out how to do it alone and the issue is I need to do this laborious process each time my dad uses the bathroom (which is every two hours). Truly some days I have NO WORDS!

After I dropped my dad off at his memory care center, I went grocery shopping and back to Lowe's for my next batch of flowers. When I checked out and was in the parking lot, an employee came over to me and was directing me on how to place plants in the car. I assure you, I have done this so many times, I need no instruction. But I was kind and listened. Then he went on to tell me that I shouldn't be planting now, it is too early! He tells his customers to plant after Mother's Day! To which I laughed. You want to know what this reminded me of??? 

When I was a kid, my mom took me to a store to buy my first umbrella. I can picture this umbrella even now.... it had frills along the edges and flowers all over it! I was so happy to have my own umbrella! Do you want to know what the sale's person said to me? She said, MAY YOU NEVER HAVE A RAINY DAY! Now, as an adult I could say that this was a nice wish, but as a child, I felt the statement was mean. After all, I wanted to use my umbrella and therefore it had to rain. Funny what we remember! Any case, today's scenario had the same undertones. Here I am doing my best to try to plant in my garden and juggle another task, and instead this fellow is telling me.... you are planting too soon as we are going to have a cold weather snap this coming week! 

At 3:30pm, I went to pick up my dad and the Center's nurse came out to talk with me. Mind you, I saw her this morning, because I wanted to update her on the procedure to manage his pressure sores. But when I saw her, I knew something was wrong. She proceeded to tell me that my dad had a bad day! It would have been nice to know the problem when it happened, not three hours later, while the issues are still occurring. My dad ate lunch, ate too fast, and started chocking. In the process he aspirated food into his lungs. So he had been vomiting for hours. When they brought him out to me, he looked dazed, confused, his clothes were a mess and he proceeded to vomit by my feet. This is how I had to take him home. He was vomiting in the car and I practically drove right off the road to help him. I did contact my dad's doctor because I thought I would have to take him to the ER. But once home, I cleaned him up, changed his wound care and clothes, took his blood pressure and oxygen saturation level, and then put him in his recliner. He hasn't vomited since and is resting. So there is no fever or labored breathing, which would have led to an ER visit. But some days I ask myself.............. what have I done to deserve such a difficult and painful life.

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