Tuesday, April 14, 2026

Tuesday, April 14, 2026 --- Mattie died 841 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Mattie's friends brought him all sorts of balloons for his birthday and as you can see they made Mattie smile. Given all that Mattie faced and having to live in a pediatric intensive care unit for almost a year, the fact that he could smile at all was truly amazing. When I say that Mattie was my life's greatest teacher, I am not kidding! 

Quote of the day: Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul – and sings the tunes without the words – and never stops at all. ~ Emily Dickinson

This afternoon, I took my dad for his annual pacemaker check. The technician assessed the battery life, how much my dad's heart relies on the pacemaker and countless other metrics! I have learned that with some appointments, it is just better to transport my dad in Mattie's wheelchair. Every time I see that blue chair, I can't help but remember Mattie's cancer journey. It doesn't matter that it was 17 years ago, some thing are trapped and stored in my mind. 

The good news is my dad's pacemaker is only being used 15% of the time. The rest of the time my dad's heart is doing the work! In addition, there is 9.5 years left on the pacemaker's battery, which gives me peace of mind. The tech was wonderful and the whole process told only minutes and it was non-invasive. 

In addition, I received my x-ray results back and I am kidney stone free! A great achievement, given that only a few years ago, I was battling 8 stones! So between my dad's pacemaker and my x-ray, I look at these things as a ray of hope. Of course, no day is without issues. My dad is now dealing with two very large pressure sores and we start wound care again on Friday. Which means a nurse will be coming to train me and assess him weekly until these sores are healed. I can't tell you how many times I have endured this process. Soon I maybe a wound care expert myself, as each wound is different, in a different location and requires different treatments!

Spring has finally sprung in my back yard. The azaleas are a glow. Azaleas always remind me of Mattie and his birthday! My joke with Mattie was that azaleas bloom in April because they are celebrating his birthday! He always LOVED hearing that!

This is the beautiful cherry tree on my driveway!

I finally got myself to Lowe's today. I wanted to assess their plants! I bought a bunch and had many wonderful conversations with women there. Some wanted help picking out roses and others wanted to talk to me about my mandevillas! I love these vine like plants with trumpet shaped flowers! I planted several in my front yard! They are hardy and seem to always have flowers on the vine throughout the summer! 

In 2022, I was gifted iris bulbs! I never grew an iris in my life. But look at them! Half are purple and the other half are ballet pink. They are stunning plants that seem to double and spread out each spring!

The magnolias are a bloom!

I bought other plants, but did not have the time to plant them yet! I will get to them tomorrow. Since I plant alone, I take it a little bit at a time. Once I finish planting these, I will got back to Lowe's for round two of plants. 

As you can see, I am surrounded by trees and greenery. This was why I fell in love with this house in 2021, and had so many great hopes of our new chapter together. I had no idea that I would be living in this house, caregiving, and maintaining this house alone. I am well aware of my reality, but will never get or accept it.