Friday, May 15, 2026

Friday, May 15, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2002. Mattie had just been born and I did not know if I was coming or going, as I had an emergency c-section and was coping with being in terrible pain and feeling emotionally overwhelmed. The hospital where Mattie was born and where he was also diagnosed with cancer has been my medical home for decades. It is now where my dad has been getting care since Wednesday. Whenever I am on this hospital campus, I don't remember all moments or previous decades.... what I remember is April 4, 2002 (the day Mattie was born) and July 23, 2008 (the day he was diagnosed). 

Quote of the day: Do I in any way profit from this misery?” Nietzsche finally responded. “I have reflected on that very question for many years. Perhaps I do profit. In two ways. You suggest that the attacks are caused by stress, but sometimes the opposite is true—that the attacks dissipate stress. My work is stressful. It requires me to face the dark side of existence, and the migraine attack, awful as it is, may be a cleansing convulsion that permits me to continue. ~ Irvin D. Yalom

Given that I do not know how the rest of the day will go, I decided to write today's blog first thing in the morning. I can do this because my dad is in the hospital. I carry a lot of stress and heartache with me daily. Yesterday I had reached a breaking point. By 10:30pm, I had to stop EVERYTHING. I literally went right upstairs to my bedroom, vomited profusely, and then got into bed and passed out. 

On Wednesday, I picked my dad up at his memory care center. He seemed fine. We got home and I went about my usual tasks, made dinner, and then got him out of his recliner to eat. That was when I noticed odd behavior. With my dad's Alzheimer's he is unable to report out what is going on with him. So literally I have to be Columbo. 

He seemed very confused, more than usual, he complained of a stomach ache, intense exhaustion (which made no sense as he just had a three hour nap), and then when he got to the dinner table, he started to vomit up foam (on an empty stomach). So I ran to check his vitals. This was the kind of blood pressure readings I was getting... way too high for my dad! I knew enough to know that I had to stop everything and take him to the ER. 

My mom was in pajamas, but insisted on coming to the hospital. While she was changing to go to the hospital, I was running around taking dinner off the table. I packed dinner in Tupperware, made hot tea, grabbed the heating pad, blankets and other items I knew I would need at the hospital to keep my mom comfortable. Then we all got into the car and we got checked into the ER at 9pm. It was a rainy night, the ER entrance was under construction and getting inside the building was a nightmare. I had to take one parent in at a time. 

The ER was a zoo! I had never seen it like that, and I attribute that to the construction as they had NO PLACE to put people. Anyone who thinks hospitals follow HIPAA, you are kidding yourself! In such tight confines, we know people's addresses, phone numbers, medical history and reasons for the visit. But honestly, I do not think any of us care! When you are facing a medical crisis, everything else goes out the window. What matters is ONE thing.... getting HELP! So in my opinion nothing unifies people more, regardless of race, gender, political persuasion, etc, like a trauma.

Managing the waiting area required me to take a deep breath. There was no point in being agitated or assertive with the staff, as they were doing their best to manage chaos. About 90 minutes into waiting, my dad was called to be triaged. The nurse at the front desk could see that my dad was in the hospital in January with a brain bleed and he has a host of issues. So thankfully she streamlined him back. Within minutes after seeing her, we were called to go back into the ER. However, they wouldn't let me take my mom because there was no room! No room because, they had us sitting in chairs that lined a hallway. Literally the chairs had numbers on them like a hospital room. My dad and I waited in these chairs for over an hour. Meanwhile I was trying to call and text my mom, but she never responded, as I figured she wouldn't as I really do not think she knows how her phone operates anymore. 

A doctor greeted us and took us into an ER exam room. He was lovely! When I say that everyone was amazing, I am not kidding, as the place was wall to wall people. Patients were agitated waiting, but the staff never lost their cool! Truly remarkable people. Any case the doctor wasn't as concerned about my dad's blood pressure, as he was about the stomach pain. He told me with older adults, stomach pain could indicate ANYTHING. Which is why scans are always done if a stomach pain is reported. All I can say is thank goodness I am Columbo and took my dad into the ER. 

After seeing the doctor, we went back to our hallway chair. About 40 minutes later, someone showed up to transport us to a CT scan. At that point, I told this person that I wanted my mom to come with us. He agreed. Once I got her with us, there was no way I was going to have her go back into the ER waiting room. Once the scan was done, the transporter took us back to the hallway chair. Since only one chair is allotted to a patient, I had my mom sit, my dad was in the wheelchair and I stood the whole time. An hour later we met Santiago. Santiago brought us to an ER room to take blood and do an EKG. He took kindly to us and instead of taking us back to the hallway chair, he allowed us to stay in the ER room! I was so grateful, because then in the room I could eat the dinner I brought from home. 

Hours later, we were then triaged back into the ER. Not to a room, but to a hallway bed. My mom was seated by the end of the bed in a chair and I stood. Chaos was all around us, but frankly given my year in the hospital with Mattie, very little fazes me. I am used to machines, hearing trauma, hearing people screaming, crying, and you name it. As I always say, Mattie prepared me for all aspects of life. 

The nurses and my dad's ER doctor were amazing. They attempted to get an IV started in my dad and to draw blood. That was mission impossible. They stuck him 12 times. You should see his arms. It is no fault of their own, this is my dad's dancing/jumpy veins. Finally two nurses (including the charge nurse) tried to insert an IV using an ultrasound machine. Both nurses had NO LUCK. Finally they had the ER doctor do it, and she got it!  

We eventually got into an ER room and the attention the nurses provided us was amazing. The nurses told my parents how lucky they are that I care for them so well. I am not one to sit around, so I was jumping around helping the nurses with my dad. Any case, what all the testing revealed was my dad had sepsis and a 5.5mm kidney stone lodged into his ureter (the ureter is a tube that connects the kidney to the bladder). The stone was blocking the passage of urine and the left kidney was swelling, which was why he looked like he had a gremlin pushing out of his abdomen. Thankfully I have a patient portal which gives me access to all medical tests and notes. So I was checking it constantly. I knew what the problem was before the ER doctor talked to us. When she came over to chat and update us, she could see I already read the results and understood the problem, to which she said.... are you a medical doctor? I said no, but I am very familiar with kidney stone problems, having had them myself! 

At 6am, we were finally admitted to the hospital and we went up to my dad's room. But given my dad's state, I had to wait to meet his nurse because he can't report anything out accurately. At 7am, I chatted with the nurse and explained my dad's issues and Alzheimer's and most importantly told her he can't tell her when he is in pain or report symptoms. This is a crucial piece of information to know! 

So we were at the hospital from 9pm Wednesday until 7:30am Thursday. I then drove my mom and I home to rest. I don't know how I drove home, as I was so exhausted. I was literally tapping my feet in the car to stay awake. When we got home, I fed Indie and then went right upstairs to bed, clothes and all. Indie however, did not understand why I was in bed in the morning, so I am lucky I got two hours of sleep. There was no peace because my dad was driving his nurses crazy. They kept calling me on the phone because he reported to them that I hadn't visited him and that I just left him at the hospital. I allowed them to talk for about a minute and then I corrected them and explained the situation accurately. Once I told them I had pulled an all nighter at the hospital, they immediately understood they were dealing with an over worked caregiver. 

Any case, my mom and I got ourselves together, I packed up food for the hospital and then before driving to the hospital, I went to my UPS store. I wanted to send the second letter I wrote to the IRS, but this time I decided.... I AM NOT using the US Post Office. That was the best decision I ever made. UPS has a whole strategy to effectively hand deliver letters to the IRS and to get guaranteed signatures! It is more costly, but I can track it, they send updated emails, and I need peace of mind with this issue right now. 

Yesterday at 4:30pm, my dad had a ureteroscopy, a surgical procedure to remove the large kidney stone. My dad had two of these surgeries in 2024, so we know the urologist. Which put my mind at ease. I was in the pre-op area with my dad and he still had his sense humor. We were chatting away with the nurses. One nurse was from Queens, NY and was Italian, so we joked..... my dad was in good hands! 

The surgery was a success and an hour later the doctor came out to talk with me. Once my dad got back to his room, he had several delusions from the anesthesia. He was convinced a large tragedy happened, many children died, houses were destroyed and the list went on. I was dealing with that confusion and panic for hours. So seriously by the time I got home last night, I was frazzled. But that isn't where my day ended. As once I got home, I had laundry, clean up, situating my mom, and managing Foundation issues (as Sunday is our virtual walk). It is no wonder by 10:30pm, I was falling apart.