Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2005. Mattie was three years old. This kiddie pool came from my former mother-in-law. All the grandkids used it and Mattie loved it whenever we visited Boston. So she gave the pool to Mattie to take home. I can't tell you what our deck, outside our apartment, used to look like! We had the sand box, the pool, and toys on it. But this made Mattie happy and he loved his outdoor time. Even as a baby, Mattie was calmer and happier being outside.... regardless of the weather. So it was through Mattie that I learned the beauty of being surrounded by nature.
Quote of the day: If you consider yourself a victim, you are not going to have a good life; if, however, you refuse to think of yourself as a victim–if you refuse to let your inner self be conquered by your external circumstances–you are likely to have a good life. ~ William B. Irvine
Are we a product of how we grew up? Are we influenced by certain norms in our formative years, and therefore these norms guide our lives? In my case the answer is YES! I had the opportunity to chat with the manager of our local diner today. I have gotten to know her over the last couple of years. She is younger than me and has experienced many life lessons. Here's the conclusion we have from our experiences.... we both feel that women need to be coached at an early age to be financially independent. Even if married, they need their own money, their own accounts, and to truly adopt the philosophy that they have to be independent from their spouse.
I grew up in a traditional household. That said, my mom was a working professional, got a higher education (which was rare for women in her age bracket), and has a strong personality. Yet it was my dad who paid the bills and dealt with all the financial headaches of life. Naturally I learned a great deal from my parents, but unlike them, I am not a numbers person. Therefore, they sheltered me from the financial stresses of life. When I got married, again, I brought that traditional mindset into my marriage. I stayed out of the finances, because I deemed that as not my strength. But that was a big mistake. It was a mistake that I was treated as inadequate and even a bigger mistake to accept that pronouncement.
What I have learned from my divorce is many painful things. But first and foremost is that I will always be in control of the finances. I will always know what is coming in and out every month. I hope to never, ever, relive the last three years of my life and it will take me some time to feel a level of financial stability and safety.
At the end of the day however, I continue to wonder will I ever feel better? Will I ever feel more emotionally stable? I miss being married, I miss having a spouse, and most of all I miss who I deemed was my closest ally and friend. It leaves many, many holes in my life and as I learned with Mattie.... some holes can never be filled.
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