Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. In 2003, we first introduced Mattie to Fall festivals. He loved the hayrides, mazes, activities, and of course picking pumpkins. As you can see Mattie enjoyed playing with the pumpkins he picked. Most of his pumpkins landed up being displayed on my plant stand. However, Mattie would always take the pumpkins right off the stand in order to incorporate them into whatever we were playing. To me the brilliant color of a pumpkin always reminds me of Mattie and all the wonderful adventures we had in the fall tracking down just the right pumpkin.
Quote of the day: She was past weeping, wrapped in the ineffable solitude of grief. ~ Lady Mabell Airlie
Sometimes I think weeping would be better than being "wrapped in the ineffable solitude of grief." When one is weeping you know or can try to relate to that feeling. But in SO many ways grief is indescribable and unspeakable. It is a feeling that is ever present and it impacts how you breathe, sleep, think, feel, and thrive in the world. In fact, the world no longer looks the same to me. It is as if I went to bed one day and the next day I woke up in a foreign land. However, everyone and everything around me is the same, the only difference is ME! It is a rather unsettling feeling, and in a way surviving grief is learning to come to terms with this feeling. Learning that I am different, for I have seen things most people will never have to experience, and despite knowing I once was a mom my reality now forces me to live without Mattie in it.
Before Karen returned home today, we all went out to brunch together. We introduced Karen to a restaurant in DC she had never been to before. Somehow despite the rising temperatures today, I was still cold, and ordered hot tea. There is something that seems rather special to me when I am served tea in a teapot. I am not sure why, but I seem to associate a teapot with having time and trying to find peace and relaxation. We had a lovely brunch and it seemed like a nice way to end our visit together.
Peter and I returned home today and did some chores, worked on Foundation materials for the Walk in May, and I also began reading about Matisse and Picasso. I am meeting with Donna (one of the kindergarten teachers at Mattie's school who was and continues to be very supportive of us) on Wednesday, and am trying to pull my thoughts together for the three part series on these artistic masters. I am used to teaching young adults and adults, so presenting material to kindergartners is a new experience for me. I am trying to come up with hands on activities for each session and the beauty of Matisse and Picasso are they were SO prolific and were such contributors to 20th century art, that there is a host of topics to present to the children which will be doable. I look forward to meeting with Donna to hone on what will be of interest to her students.
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