Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

August 3, 2011

August 3, 2011

August 3, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008 at our home, after Mattie was recovering from his first limb salvaging surgery. Mattie's preschool friends gave him a dragonfly kite. I recall during difficult moments we would turn to Mattie's "Team Mattie" gift pile and open up something new. That particular evening, Mattie opened up the kite and we went outside to fly it. Mattie could only use his left arm, since his right arm was in a sling from surgery. However, getting outside and moving around gave us all a few minutes of normalcy. Based on Mattie's love for bugs, it seemed quite fitting that he was given a dragonfly kite! 

Quote of the day: It is the peculiar nature of the world to go on spinning no matter what sort of heartbreak is happening. ~ SUE MONK KIDD

What a great quote! It is simply stated but incredibly true! Any one who has experienced a loss, a trauma, or great life change will immediately identify with it. Mainly because while your heart is breaking, your life has collapsed around you, and physically and mentally you are beyond depleted, the world around us GOES on. I suppose that is a good thing, because if everyone felt and reacted as a griever does, it would be a sad commentary. Nonetheless, for myself and others who are grieving, it leaves us confused and simply upset at times that we are misunderstood and that our heartbreak isn't shared and normalized.

Today was my last class of pilates for several weeks. I took three classes in a row with my friend Christine. I loved the teacher and I found her to be a great motivator and very concerned for her students' wellbeing. I have no upper body strength, so the teacher literally had to help me with some of the pilates apparatus. She told Christine that she LOVES holding my hands because she has never felt skin so soft. That comment made me laugh, because I guess while she is talking about my skin, I am focusing upon a connection. I think as adults we are quite intimidated by physical contact between friends. By physical contact I mean holding someone's hand or giving them a hug. These are special connections between friends and yet many of us withhold these connections for various reasons. I really never thought much about this until I was aware of how I felt when the teacher held my hand. It is actually a very supportive and nurturing gesture between two people.

I also know this type of connection was something I had with Mattie. As a mom being supportive, nurturing, giving hugs and showing love and affection are part of the role. Now that Mattie is gone, this part of myself that was developed during Mattie's seven years, has no place to go. Which is most likely, I would imagine, why nurturing Ann's mother, Mary, and today's physical connection means more to me than the physical act of holding someone's hand. As I think about this, in times when I am most upset Tina and Junko, are friends who also hold my hand. Extending one's self physically (to hold hands) while seeing someone in pain, almost is saying to the griever that you aren't experiencing this loss per se, but you want to connect with us on a meaningful level and understand.

I had lunch today with two of my friends, Carolyn and Mary. Carolyn took Mary and I out to lunch for our birthdays. Mary's birthday was July 23, a day neither of us will forget. This is the day Mattie was diagnosed with cancer, which is why Mary's birthday remains on my mind. We had a nice time catching up and sharing summer stories.

I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from my lifetime friend, Karen. I had been emailing Karen back and forth yesterday about my feelings associated with my most recent hospital visit. I told Karen I was upset that so many of Mattie's nurses are no longer working there and in a way the institutional knowledge of his battle is gone. Her response caught my attention. Karen wrote, "He is there Vicki. His art is on the ceiling. His name is on the snack cart to remind parents and kids they aren't alone in this battle."

The second message is from Mattie's oncologist and our friend, Kristen. Kristen wrote, "I fully believe that Mattie can communicate with the two of you.... by snake skin or mouse/toy or clock maneuvers. Thinking of you this Tuesday and everyday."

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