Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2009, at the Mattie March. As you can see the Walk was about to begin. I have no idea where I was in relation to this photo. I may have been trying to take a picture of this moment with my own camera, I have no idea. But what I immediately noticed in this photo tonight was who was assisting Mattie. Right by Mattie's side was Linda, Mattie's child life specialist. Though in relation to others surrounding Mattie, Linda knew Mattie for the shortest period of time. Clearly others around Mattie knew him practically for all his life, not just through his cancer battle. But living and battling with cancer has a way of uniting people on a very deep level. The connection doesn't require time, in fact, the bond transcends time. Mattie and Linda had that kind of connection, and as she looked out for him in the hospital, he also naturally gravitated to her outside the hospital as well! Linda was considered to be safe, someone who Mattie felt understood him and looked out for his well being. I may not have deduced all of this when I first looked at this photo, but now years later as I observe it, it speaks volumes to me. Which is why I feel strongly about supporting the quality work that Linda does. Not just child life work in general, but specifically the work that Linda does and oversees.
Quote of the day: Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being. ~ Albert Schweitzer
As I write tonight's posting, I realize that between yesterday and today, 500 people have logged onto Mattie's blog to check in! I promise Walk photos are coming soon. Our photographer is giving us a disc tomorrow and then it may take me a few days to organize hundreds of photos, but I assure you they are coming, so please stay tuned!
I LOVE Schweitzer's quote. In our day to day life, all of us can get dejected, depressed, and disillusioned from time to time. Different things can trigger these feelings for us. But what I do know is that human interactions and kindness are like oxygen. Such things have a way of reigniting our joy, passion, and faith in life! Naturally with the aid of technology I can tell how many people read the blog each day, but that is very limited data in a way because I do not know who these people are. It can be a daunting proposition to write each day, especially when I do NOT know who my audience is! Most of the time I do not reflect upon who is reading my thoughts and feelings, I just try to write and be genuine. Yet when people post comments on the blog and share their thoughts and feelings with me, I view this as a gift. Reader postings enable me to see that the blog is read by SO many different people, from all over the Country, and recently I also learned that even several young people are following along. I must say I wasn't aware of this.
To the Holton-Arms sixth grader who wrote to me last night..... A BIG THANK YOU! Apparently this young lady starts her day off by reading Mattie's blog. I reflect upon my life when I was 12 years old, YES I can remember that far back, and I know that I definitely did not have the maturity or maybe even the sensitivity to want to read about someone else's life and heartache on a daily basis. This skill and desire grew within me over time and most likely is why I gravitated to the mental health profession in graduate school. But as a pre-teen, I can safely say I did not even know what cancer was, much less that a child could get such a horrible disease.
Knowing that Mattie's life and our story has intrigued this sixth grader has in a way caused my inner flickering light (this happens to me every year right after a Walk) to be "blown again into an instant flame." The Walk takes every ounce of energy out of me, it is a physically and emotionally challenging event to plan and execute, and it takes me weeks to close out paperwork and complete administrative tasks associated with running such a fundraiser. I certainly can feel good about its success, but it is hard to plan an event in which the participants are healthy children and their families. It is a constant reminder of what is missing in our lives and at the end of the event, hopefully people leave having had a good time, and yet I leave feeling empty again. I walk a fine line between being Mattie's mom and being the president of Mattie Miracle. In fact, one of the psycho-oncologists who works closely with the Foundation on developing a national standard of care, said to me last week that one of the things he most admires about me is the fact that I can be a grieving parent and yet educate, advocate and run a Foundation that will ultimately benefit all children with cancer. He told me this trait is VERY rare from his experience and perspective. From his experience most grieving parent can't move past their own loss! I totally get that and I certainly know why what we are doing is rare. It is rare because it is very very hard to do. When you lose a child to cancer, it clouds everything about living, breathing, how you view others, how you view yourself, and how you view the future.
In the midst of all the emotions I experience post-walk, I have to say that reading this posting from our faithful sixth grade reader made me pause! It has made me pause because if I can influence and inspire the hearts and minds of the next generation about childhood cancer, then perhaps this is my destiny and legacy. A legacy that Mattie and I created together.
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