Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was in the clinic of the Hospital and playing at the art therapy table. With him was Katie, one of his HEM/ONC nurses and Jocelyn, his good buddy who was also battling osteosarcoma. If you look closely you will see that Mattie designed an alligator that day out of a large wooden clip and decided to catch my finger in the alligator's mouth! We still have this alligator on display in our kitchen! He is attached to my copper pot rack and stares at me with his beady eyes.
Quote of the day: None of these parents believed that their child’s death was a good thing. They would have given up all their new found activism, insights and altruism, their re-ordered sense of what really matters in life, to have their child back. ~ Richard Tedeschi (psychologist who coined the term post-traumatic growth)
My friend in cancer sent me an article entitled, The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). This is a field that
came about in 1995. The term itself is not to be confused with post-traumatic stress
disorder [Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition
that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing
it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as
uncontrollable thoughts about the event.] According to the University of North
Carolina-Charlotte's Post-Traumatic Growth Research Group, where Richard
Tedeschi practices, post-traumatic growth is defined in the following manner:
What is post-traumatic growth? It is positive change
experienced as a result of the struggle with a major life crisis or a traumatic
event. The idea that human beings can be changed by their encounters with life
challenges, sometimes in radically positive ways, is not new. The theme is
present in ancient spiritual and religious traditions, literature, and
philosophy. What is reasonably new is the systematic study of this phenomenon
by psychologists, social workers, counselors, and scholars in other traditions
of clinical practice and scientific investigation.
After experiencing a traumatic event, people often report
three ways in which their psychological functioning increases:
1. Relationships
are enhanced in some way. For example, people describe that they come to value
their friends and family more, feel an increased sense of compassion for others
and a longing for more intimate relationships.
2. People change
their views of themselves in some way. For example, developing in wisdom,
personal strength and gratitude, perhaps coupled with a greater acceptance of
their vulnerabilities and limitations.
3. People
describe changes in their life philosophy. For example, finding a fresh
appreciation for each new day and re-evaluating their understanding of what
really matters in life, becoming less materialistic and more able to live in
the present.
The article opens up discussing Candice Lightner. Her name may not ring a bell with you, but I bet MADD does. Candice lost her daughter to a hit a run drunk driver in 1980, and this horrible tragedy inspired her to advocate and create MADD, an organization which has saved more than 300,000 lives so far. The point of this very meaningful opening paragraph was to show the reader that out of trauma and tragedy can come growth and great change. Though I do not think this article highlights this well, other Post-Traumatic Growth articles do mention that none of us who survive a trauma sit down and think.... 'gee I am happy I experienced this great loss so that it will raise my awareness and I can now achieve some sort of higher level of growth!' As the research does point out, NOT EVERYONE who experiences a trauma also experiences post-traumatic growth. Therefore expecting such growth to happen also puts ridiculous pressure on a person who is already managing a great deal.
Do I suspect that growth happens for other reasons? Yes. It happens in my opinion for protective purposes. If we do not find a mechanism to invest in the world that is positive, then what is there? For Candice it became creating MADD and helping educate communities about drunk drivers, in order to help save lives and try to prevent other tragedies like her daughter's from occurring. For Peter and I, we have Mattie Miracle. If you don't direct your issues into something positive, the issues have a way of taking over. It is that simple. If you want to put a name on it, as post-traumatic growth, well okay. However, for some of us the growth is linked to post-traumatic stress, and it is hard to separate the two. They are constantly at odds with each other.
Nonetheless, I wholeheartedly agree that after Mattie's cancer and death, I am no longer am the person I was before and the three factors listed above are spot on. How I view relationships have changed, my views of myself and life's vulnerabilities are clearer, and most definitely my philosophy on life is completely different.
All of these things combined made it very easy to walk away from the life I led before. I could no longer teach, work with students and at times deal with a "healthy" population, and for the most part I do not like thinking, talking, or planning for the future. I don't even like thinking months in advance. With Mattie's cancer I had to live in the moment, and with the loss of Mattie that seems to be the mode that works best for me.
The Science of Post-Traumatic Growth:
http://www.livehappy.com/science/positive-psychology/science-post-traumatic-growth
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