Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. Mattie was three months into treatment and this photo was taken before any of his limb salvaging surgeries. Life was much simpler at that point for Mattie, even though he was on high dose chemotherapy. That evening, we were invited over to Mattie's "girlfriend's" house. Charlotte and Mattie met in kindergarten and they had an instantaneous friendship. You can see Charlotte peeking through the tunnel Mattie was holding up! I didn't just come up with the title "girlfriend" on my own. I got it from Mattie! In fact, one day while driving them both to a friend's birthday party, Mattie reached into his pocket and gave Charlotte a plastic ring he got from the dentist's office for a good cleaning. He told Charlotte this was an engagement ring and he planned on marrying her. How I did not drive off the road is an amazing feat. Mattie was serious, and Charlotte took the ring with the same level of intention. In many ways, it was as if Mattie knew he had to live his life quickly, because he wasn't going to get a lifetime to do it in.
Quote of the day: A true test of character isn’t how you are on your best days but how you act on your worst days. ~ unknown
In the past two days, I had two different friends ask me...... do you know how powerful your blog is? Do people write to you to tell you this? Of course in the next breath, these friends also acknowledge that they do not know where I get the content or the inspiration to write. After all, if you write a blog everyday, you need to express a thought or a feeling. It isn't just meaningless words on a screen. Daily writing may sound easier than it actually is!
So to answer the first question..... I am happy others find the blog useful, meaningful and applicable to their own lives. That is a great compliment especially since I do believe what makes Mattie's story and our journey so powerful is I am talking about real human thoughts and emotions. All of us may not experience childhood cancer, but we do experience emotional highs and lows, illness, loss, and life altering moments. These are things I do not sugar coat in my writings, though given how I do try to protect myself and others, I do not share every waking thought and feeling here. I never have because I think it would detract from the nature and the purpose of the blog.
Now onto the second question. Occasionally people do write to me to tell me they checked in on the blog and how one particular day resonated with them. But for the most part, I get regular feedback from a handful of followers, which I appreciate. Is this feedback needed? Well we all need feedback in life and I appreciate knowing that what I am writing is making a difference to others and more importantly that my writings enable them to get to know Mattie. Since I have been writing the blog since July of 2008, I have learned to be my own compass. I write about things happening to us, my perspectives on life as a mom without a child, about our Foundation work, and at times I will reflect on how my lens has evolved over the past eight years since Mattie died. It would be hard for others to give me feedback on this, since what I write about is so personal. Therefore at the end of the day, the feedback that is the hardest is my own, because to me the blog is a representation of Mattie.
After Mattie died, I had many followers up in arms wondering if I would continue to write the blog. Mainly because reading the blog became part of their daily ritual. Almost like brushing one's teeth. Thousands of people were glued to the blog and our story. So initially in 2009, I most likely decided to continue writing to address that need. But over time, things shifted. Or at least my need to write the blog changed from fulfilling others' needs to fulfilling my own. Since the blog is a labor of love, the motivation must come from within otherwise it would be easy to say.... I am not writing today! Or I would be caught up with worry about what others wanted to hear, or what content I should cover, and so forth. But that was never the purpose for why the blog was created. The blog was created to share Mattie's journey with others, in a real and candid way. IN MY OWN WORDS! Through this candor, a community was build. People rallied around a cause, a cause they couldn't see or experience daily, but one they learned about through my words and photos. In many ways, without the blog we wouldn't have a Foundation, because our core supporters of the Foundation, are the result of being drawn into our lives through this blog.
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