Monday, July 22, 2019

Monday, July 22, 2019

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008. We snapped this photo at Roosevelt Island. This photo was taken in early July, only weeks before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Rather hard to imagine given that Mattie looks like the picture of health to me! Tomorrow will mark the 11th anniversary of Mattie's diagnosis. 


Quote of the day: I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me. ~ Dr. Seuss


Seeing this Dr. Seuss quote made me laugh. If only Dr. Seuss would share his bat with me. As he is right..... troubles come from all around us. But how we  deal with them is what makes it all noteworthy! If we give up when troubles present themselves, then the troubles win. But if we have the where with all to say our troubles are 'going to have trouble' with us, then what that means to me is I have the determination to meet that challenge and fight it. Of course, I do think some challenges and issues are out of our control. Such a childhood cancer for example and yet it is how I deal with the ramifications of Mattie's death that I suppose makes me ME and makes me unique. Yet I freely admit childhood cancer is a trouble that keeps on coming. It isn't finite! With each year Mattie is gone, there are new issues that arise for us and so many of these issues impact our friendships or ability to have them. 

My birthday is two days after Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Some how this impacts how I feel about my birthday. While some people may like to celebrate their birthdays, I am not one of them. I truly do not care for parties and in fact the group gatherings further trouble me. As groups remind me how different I am. 

Today, friends took me out for my birthday. In fact, I am going out almost every day this week with friends. I am very aware of the fact that I have the best friends, who care about me and about Mattie Miracle. I am grateful for them and the fact they wish to acknowledge my birthday. However, at the same time, hearing their summer plans and the things they talk about bring me sadness. It is my reality and internal conflict that I balance. It's not their fault, it's not my fault. I have come to appreciate that over the years, but nonetheless, these feelings can send me into a funk. 

We had a wonderful lunch at Vermilion in Old Town, Alexandria. This group of women is affectionately called, the NAGS. We got this name because every spring we nag people and companies for money for Mattie Miracle. 

While walking through Old Town, I saw this beautiful butterfly painted on the wall. It says.....debes ser el cambio que deseas ver en el mundo. This is a quote from  Gandhi, which translates to....."You must be the change you wish to see in the world."