Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Tuesday, November 1, 2022 -- Mattie died 683 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken on Halloween of 2008. This was Mattie's second trick or treating adventure for the day. The first one was at the hospital. That evening we went to Zachary's home. Zachary and Mattie were inseparable friends and they bonded on the first day of preschool in 2005. Have you heard that in a  crisis you can really tell who your friends are? Well Zachary was that kind of friend. The boys went trick or treating with a group of Zachary's neighbors. The neighbors had little use for Mattie because he was walking gingerly as his arm was in a sling post-surgery. The neighbors told Zachary to ditch Mattie. Certainly I would have understood if he did. But instead, Zachary abandoned the neighbors and walked slowly with Mattie. An incredible decision for a six year old! After they collected all the treats, they went back to Zachary's house and they began sorting their collection and making trades. Mattie did not like chocolate and Zachary did not like the non-candy treats. So they were a match made in heaven. 

Quote of the day: There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud, and to know that the words have been heard. ~ Victoria Alexander

Tonight's quote is spot on! I would say that Mattie's blog serves all three functions for me! It helps me put words to my forever loss, and through my writing, I feel as if I am expressing myself out loud, and of course thanks to my loyal readers, I know I am being heard. That is a big gift, because it is understandable why you read the blog when Mattie was alive and coping with cancer, but what inspires you to continue reading now? I am sure the answer differs for each of you. Whatever the answer is......  I THANK YOU for reading the blog over all these years. 

I have been writing  the blog nightly for 14 years! Fourteen years! Not 14 days, 14 weeks, or 14 months! Fourteen years is a major commitment and you might think that by the end of my day, I wouldn't have the energy or motivation to write. But writing can easily become part of your daily routine, not unlike brushing your teeth. I have done it for so long, I can't imagine a day without the blog. It is a way to keep me closer to Mattie, to keep his memory alive, to share his life with others, and of course to process my experiences and journey. As my life's lens is always influenced by Mattie's death. 

Since Mattie died, we haven't distributed candy to trick or treaters, until last night. Last year, though living at the house, we left candy at a box at the end of the driveway. Last night, was a very rainy Halloween. Therefore I made the decision to put candy on a table right outside our front door. I can't tell you how many children we saw last night. Probably 30-40 hit our doorstep and we saw the cutest costumes. My favorite was a little girl dressed as a sunflower. 

It maybe November, but the temperatures are in the 70s this week. We woke up to a heavy fog! It was quite a sight, one that I remember vividly when living in Foggy Bottom, in the District of Columbia. Foggy Bottom lived up to its name, as so many mornings were just that... foggy. 

My joke is we are running a warehouse! The boxes keep coming in and we are very grateful!

This afternoon, I had to go to our Foundation's post office. As I wanted to get stamps and mailing trays to help process our end of the year mass mailing. I did this with my parents in tow. After which, I took them out to eat. Going out with my parents is challenging on a good day, but this is something they love to do! In fact the first question out of my dad's mouth every morning when I wake him up is..... are we going out to eat?! I am quite sure most adult children wouldn't entertain this on a weekly basis, but add into it my dad's bathroom issues, and it would be a real deal breaker. My dad had to go to the bathroom, which he does like clock work right after he eats. I helped him to the bathroom, but the family bathroom was taken. He was howling about having to go, so instead I took him into the women's room. The stalls in the women's room are like a postage stamp, so stuffing both of us in there was a magic act. I did not get him in there soon enough and he pooped over himself, the floor, and me. It was not a good day to put it simply.