Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. It was Mattie's first trip to the beach. Because he did not care for actually going on the beach, we looked for all sorts of activities to keep him engaged. So we went to the aquarium. They had a sting ray petting tank and you can see in this photo a discussion I was having with Mattie about whether or not he wanted to touch the sting rays. The beauty of Mattie was that he had a natural understanding and caution for things he did not understand. It did not stop him from participating, but he did things on his own time schedule and I learned to follow his lead.
Quote of the day: Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. ~ Michael Jordan
When Peter is away, I now block the staircase to the second floor with chairs. I do this to prevent Sunny from coming upstairs at night. Karen helped me this week carry Sunny downstairs, but without an abled bodied adult, there is no way I can get Sunny down safely on my own. Last night we had another winner of a thunder storm. I was too tired to get up! When I went downstairs this morning at 6:30am, I saw that the chairs in front of the stairs had been moved. Moved, but not moved enough to climb up the stairs. In Sunny's hay day, he would have had the strength to use his body and push the chairs away. This is no longer possible.
As soon as I got downstairs, I did a point by point search for Sunny. He wasn't on the first floor, so I headed to the basement. At first I did not see him down there either and panicked that maybe he did get to the second floor and was in Peter's office. But then I found him! Sunny was hiding in the storage closet in the basement. It is the quietest place in the house. Smart dog, despite the fact that his hearing is going from the chemo.
Managing Sunny's needs is takes time, time that I need to factor into my day. As Sunny first has to be pre-treated with anti-nausea drugs a few hours before I can give him his oral chemo each morning. At one time, Sunny used to love eating. He would devour food. Now there is nothing that truly interests him. His old favorite treats like steak, bacon, and hotdogs, don't work! I am cooking all sorts of food to inspire Sunny to eat, and the funny part about this is when my dad sees Sunny's plate, he wants to eat it. I guess I can make it look appetizing, wish it worked on Sunny.
The day to day observations of decline that I live with are noteworthy and though it can be depressing at times, I try to plug through it the best I can and at the end of the day, what I learned with Mattie is...... I want NO regrets. I care for those entrusted to me in the best way that I can, and hopefully if and when I age, that I can live independently and care for myself. I am gleaming a lot of insights from my parent's situation and God forbid I get dementia, I hope that I will write notes to myself to help me keep track of my day. Despite my best efforts with my dad, he has NO interest in taking notes, or doing reflections to help him remember. I have to think this is part of his personality, mixed with the disease. Mattie's blog, over the last 15 years, has given me great discipline to write daily and once again, even in Mattie's death, he continues to be my life's greatest teacher.
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