Thursday, October 9, 2025

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. I will never forget this trip to Baltimore, MD. We took Mattie to the Inner Harbor to attend a train museum and then go out to lunch. It was the weekend before his first limb salvaging surgery. We were all very stressed out and nervous. Of course no trip was ever complete without Legos and constructing. What he was holding was what Mattie put together while having lunch. Even looking at this photo now, I can feel the tension that was on our faces and truly once the surgeries came into Mattie's life, things were never the same. Chemotherapy was hard, but surgeries were brutal. As they impacted Mattie's ability to ambulate, dress himself, toilet himself, and be a child. With cancer, each step of the way, we faced losses. Some times there were daily losses, and other times, the hits came every hour or minute. 

Quote of the day: ...what happens when you return, and find nothing but a hollowed shell, shingles and floor, walls and echoes and the light that lead you here has now burned out and the ones who built it have traveled afar and you cant go to them, no matter what shoes you wear. ~ Kellie Elmore

This morning was my usual trifecta.... Indie NOT using her litter box, soiled linens to clean, and my dad having a bout of irritable bowel syndrome in the shower. Truly after these three things, I have a feeling most people would be taking to bed. For me these are regular occurrences, in which I have to deal with it and move forward. But I am human and there are times I ask myself.... why don't I have a better life? Or at least a life when those closest to me actually appreciated and respected me. 

I looked out the window this morning and saw this! Do you see it?? Sitting under the tree! NO it is not a dog, NO it is not a cat.... try a fox. Like our deer, I also love foxes. But I am cognizant that foxes typically do not hang around like this during the day. I got my binoculars out to examine his coat and he did not look sickly. So I gave it time and figured maybe he was sunning himself! I have had to call animal control in the past when we had a fox with mange. I assure you it is daunting to see animal control show up at your door with a rifle. Thankfully this fellow moved along today and I literally breathed a sigh of relief. If Sunny were around, there would be NO FOXES on the lawn at all. Sunny was the master of the house and roamed and patrolled the property beautifully! I can't tell you how many deer and fox Sunny chased while living here! Sunny has been gone over a year, and I still miss his presence daily!

This afternoon, after my dad's visit to the podiatrist, I took my parents out for lunch. We visit this restaurant every Thursday. I know about six to seven servers there and several come to chat with me each week. One of the servers today was talking to me about the holidays. He wanted to know if we were going away or how we are celebrating them. This fellow doesn't know that my life is a train wreck, so instead of answering the question, I turned it back on him. Something I will typically do if I do not want to answer a question. He told me that he spends Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. He works the day before and the day after every holiday, making it impossible for him to travel and celebrate with family. Honestly hearing this made me so so sad. I never like hearing about anyone being alone, and especially on the holidays. There are times I ask myself.... what will my life look like if my parents are no longer alive? This is not something I like thinking about, because when they die, I feel like I have nothing left. But today, I thought to myself, perhaps holidays will be a time where I pull everyone who is alone together, as NO ONE should ever be alone.