Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and I took him outside in our commons area of the city to walk around in "Tot Wheels!" This was Mattie's favorite thing to do..... walk and be independent. You would be amazed how he could steer and maneuver this big thing throughout our first floor. Tight corners and door ways didn't stop him, Mattie just had natural spatial ability! I am so grateful for this enclosed outdoor space, because it was in this space Mattie learned to walk, ride a bicycle, fly a kite, play with our neighbor's dog JJ, and of course drive Speedy Red (a ride-on vehicle).
Quote of the day: "Put your oxygen mask on first" comes from standard airline safety instructions, used as a powerful metaphor for self-care, meaning you must secure your own well-being before you can effectively help others, a concept echoed by leaders, coaches, and mental health professionals.
I am sure we have all heard tonight's quote in some shape or form. Meaning it is commonplace, familiar, and part of our societal norms. Some of us may have had this quote used on us, some of us may have used it one others and all of us have heard these safety instructions before a plane takes off. In the context of an aircraft, I 100% understand and appreciate this instruction because unless you have your oxygen mask on, there is no way you are going to be conscious enough to help anyone else around you. I fully support that fact and reality. However, how well does this quote apply to the full-time family caregiver? It doesn't, the quote in my book gets a zero! This is the problem when quotes in one context get adopted and translated into other contexts.
When on an airplane, you can easily grab a mask and put it on. Putting on a figurative oxygen mask for a family caregiver, isn't a quick fix. As most of us are chronically exhausted, chronically stressed out, and chronically balancing the impossible. In order to get that so called breath of life sustaining oxygen, it wouldn't require a two second gesture. It would most likely take us weeks, months, or years to recover from the daily stresses we are managing. Which is why you will NEVER hear ONE caregiver say to ANOTHER caregiver.... put your oxygen mask on first. Mainly because it is a pointless statement that negates our whole situation and the context we live in.
It was another ridiculous day here on the Farm. This morning I received a call from my dad's doctor at the hospital. He wanted to update me on how my dad is doing. Bottom line... he still has diarrhea and he still has the hiccups. However, from a medical standpoint there is NO LONGER a need for him to be in the hospital. Translation... MEDICARE has decided they will not cover the cost of anymore hospitalization, which of course puts the doctors in a difficult position. Any case, I expressed to the doctor my concerns with driving as my neighborhood hadn't been totally cleared out. He then told me if I did not feel comfortable driving to pick my dad up that the hospital will they could have a transport vehicle take him back home. He then said that case management would be in touch with me a little later today.
But here's the thing! Did you know that these transporters are NOT covered by insurance? (Thank you Cheryl for this 411!!!). Which would have meant that I was going to be faced with a hefty transportation bill as the hospital is over 20 miles away from where I live. As soon as I learned this fact, I called case management myself and chatted with a social worker. I literally said.... when was someone going to tell me that I would have to pay out of pocket for this service? I bet that many families are left paying these fees because all this important information is not conveyed to them. This to me is criminal. So I told the case manager that I refused to pay for transport and I also did not feel comfortable driving to the hospital. She told me she would convey this to the doctor and get back to me. It is almost 8pm, and of course no one called me. Therefore I will be prepared to pick my dad up tomorrow and deal with the consequences of him being apart from me since Saturday night. I assure you it won't be pretty, as he will be disoriented and physically depleted are being quarantined in bed. So anyone who thinks a hospitalization is a break, hasn't experienced a hospitalization.
Of course my mom is deeply upset as she has a whole history with my dad's bouts with intractable hiccups. I can't tell you how upsetting it is to hear someone hiccup non-stop for weeks on end. I can say this freely because both my mom and I can freely say we have this experience. In the past, when my dad was younger, he would get hospitalized and completely knocked out with Thorazine (an anti-psychotic medication) for a week. That was the only way to get rid of the hiccups. Now that my dad is 90, this isn't an option. The doctor at the hospital said I should consult a GI doctor about the hiccups. Newsflash.... it can take up to six months to get in to see a GI doctor. There is no way my dad can continue hiccupping for six months. It is debilitating on him and it will set my mom and I over the deep end.... literally!
I made two different kinds..... macaroons with semi-sweet chocolate and macaroons with cranberries and white chocolate.
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